help

[klvbev]

hello.i have been devorced for 6 years now.my ex and i have 1 child who is 11 years old.we both share joint custody.we both are non-custody parents.how ever per the agreement i have to pay support for said child.it was my understanding that as long as i was working i would pay.back in 2008 of january i lost my job and it took many months to find one.my ex took me back to court for violation of child support.i explain why i couldnt pay and now i have to see a judge for this.i cant afford a laywer and the court will not appoint one to me coz i make too much money.ha!i live by paycheck and having a very hard time.we both get to be with the child every other week.but since october 2008 i have not been with my child for these weeks.i believe that my ex and her family is coaching the child not to see or be with me.there are order that both parties are to observe the weeks on and weeks off.now that i have found new job the state of new york support group is taking double payment from me.my ex lives with her parents and claims she pays them rent and other things.what parent would charge their child for living with them?ha!i need help in resolving my support isses and get where i can pay what i can pay,or not to pay coz we both have joint custody.please help me

[tbyte]

Child support is an obligation whether you are working or not, so if you were not paying the arrears would accumulate and you will need to pay them off.
If you lose your job again, contact the Child Support Agency or the court immediately to try to get a temporary reduction in support.
In the meantime, have you been making ANY payments towards support? Generally, as long as you are making a good faith effort the courts will not take action against you.
Regarding the visitation, if the mother is preventing the child from visiting you then you can file contempt of court charges against her.
What is the current visitation order?
How far apart do you live?

[klvbev]

thank you tbyte for replying.yes im making payments for support.thats coz the support agency is taking it from my paycheck.almost doulbe the amount.current visitation order are that the child is to live one week with each parent.but how ever the child believes or is made to believe that the child doesnt have to go with me.that the child can make this choice.i have spoken to the child's law guardian and she claims that the child can not make this choice.my ex lives about a 10 minute drive from me.the mother states that she is not interfering with the child but allows the child to make such choice.the current visitation for one week with father and one week with mother has been working since 2003,but now that has changed and i feel the child is being coached not to go with the father.the mother and her family have had a long history when it comes to devorces.the mother's father knows the SYSTEM very well and uses it to get what they want.how do i prove to the courts of the injustice created by the grandparents and the child's mother?

[tbyte]

If you are currently making payments, including paying down the arrears, then I don't see that the court is going to take any action.
More difficult is that matter of your child not wanting to participate in visits.
Yes, the mother cannot prevent the child from going with you, and neither is she supposed to be alienating the child from you (there is a name for this: PAS, or Parental Alienation Syndrome).
But from a practical standpoint, she is not required to force the child to go with you on visits either. And I'm sure you can see how if you tried to physically force your child to go on a visit with you it would only make matters worse.
At eleven years old, children start to assert their independence, and this will only increase over the next few years.
What happens, typically, when you go to pick up your child? Will your child speak with you?
What is the current visitation schedule?

[klvbev]

per the orders the child spends equal time with both parents,one week with mother and then one week with father,when i show up to get my child.he comes out of the house and states that he does want to come.when i ask why he mostly doesn't give me an answer.he just says coz he doesn't want to come.sometimes he makes up excuses like..no toothbrush or internet or i have no money to buy him video games.i know of p.a.s and brought this up back in 2005 when we went to court for the holiday's issue.but nothing came of it.back in 2003 and on our court papers the law guardian stated something about the grandmother so nosey or bribes our child.now it has come to where on the mother side the grandparents seems to be buying the child's love.they seem to always having new gifts for him.one time the child was talking to me and said sorry for what the child did and in the backround you could hear the grandmother telling the child that he didnt need to be sorry for anything.i use to care in how the mother would lie to the courts but now it doesn't matter to me anymore.even the courts caught her in a lie but she keeps doing it.all i want is to be with my child and get away from my ex,but i feel that as long as i have to pay for support that she wil keep bothering me.sometimes i feel that she just wants to see me suffer.if i can end all my ties with her then i would never need this type of help again.just let me be with me child and the rest can go away.

[tbyte]

Maybe you need to start building with your child again.
Next time he comes outside to talk with you, tell him that you love him very much, and respect his decision even though it makes you sad.
Ask him if he would like to go out to a movie with you instead, after which you will bring him back to his mother's house.

[klvbev]

i went to court today and the judge told me that i have until feb 3rd 2009 to get a lawyer and by that time if im not current with my payments that i will go to jail.i have no more money nor can i borrow any from freinds or family.how can i stop this and what can i do.i know i can get most of it down to about 200.00 by then but if there is "no more blood from this rock"how can i avoid going to jail?please help me.im from new york state and don't know the laws very well.