How do you stop harassment from custodial parent?

[simmag]

Hello; this is my first post here....I'll try to keep it short. A little over 4 years ago my husband received a court notice from an ex girlfriend stating that she was seeking CS from him for her 11 year old daughter. He was the 3rd man she took to court and unfortunately DNA proved to be his child. She insisted immediately that she did not really want/need the money but it was more about the child wanting to know her father. My husband was open to the idea at first, although hesitant because the relationship with the mother was not good, and he said that she was not a good person, but was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. We agreed to meet the child after the court date. My husband and I met the mother and her boyfriend at a mutual place and everything went fine. We were open to the possibility of a relationship with the child, even though she seemed completely uninterested....I wouldn't expect much else from an 11 yo. There were things about the mother that made me uneasy, for one she insisted in court that she was unemployed but miracoulsy she was working the next week when she called us....working as a stripper....at the age of 37...., but it was still taken into consideration that was not the kids fault, but it crossed my mind on how she's been raised. (It would be off topic for this question, but the situation the child has been raised in in questionable enough for me to not want to expose my kids into this...... My husband and I had 2 children at the time, a 4 year old and a 6 month old. Right after that one meeting the mother started blaming my husband for anything she could. Somehow between meeting and the next week the phone call was that the child was now failing in school because of my husband....that she needed to see the dentist and couldn't unless my husband would pay for it.....the list goes on...the mother wouldn't allow any visits with him unless she were present, or as she stated that would be necessary as the child would not want it any other way....Mom also had another child with another man who she cannot locate (again, another story). Anyway...it's been 4 years...Hubby pays child support every week regardless...we have been late on mortgages, car payments, really struggling but stil pay this damn mother, knowing that she is most likely pocketing the money for another plastic surgery. We have a very "normal" family. This was very hard to swallow at first, and still is at times but it is what it is. My husband will never have a relationship with the child because the mother is so dysfunctional. Just last week she called us from a restricted #, from some reason she blocks her # when she calls here, I answered and she asked for my husband. I asked who it was and she just started going off stating that if his payment wasn't made ontime she would call a laywer. I politely told her if that is what she felt necessary to go for it..she hung up on me. I was furious. When I looked at the online system that automatically deducts the payments, she did receive one the day she called, and it was 3 days later than it was to arrive, but it was a holiday week and Im guessing this is why it was late? We have had this system set up for over a year....also sometimes she gets paid 3 days early so the next payment is paid 3 days later...anyway...I don't want her calling here! She just wants to call trouble calling here 10 at night...ridiculous! If she were civil that would be one thing but from the the minute I answer the phone she starts screaming then hangs up...what's up with that? We have even had another child since then and my husband stays home to provide daycare and we haven't even filed to include our now 2 year old! Can we somehow find a way to serve her with cease and desist orders? ( am I calling that by the right name?) If so..how can I find out where to serve it? We have no idea of where she is living or how to contact her. I can't be bothered by this trash!!

[Gbyte]

Tell her if she needs to communicate it should be done through letter and she needs to stop calling. If she continues to call, file telephone harrasment charges.

Request a standard time to do something with the daughter. It would likely really mean a lot to her, even though it doesn't seem so now. Like Every Wednesday take her out to dinner. Anything is better than nothing.

You can file to request a modification of child support...but if he's currently making less than he was the last time, they won't be too tickled with that. If however she's making more or living in a nice place with no income, you may be able to have it pursued that she's hiding income.

[simmag]

Thank you for the response, it is appreciated! The only way I can attempt to contact the mother is through her MySpace page...(out of all places, cant believe this is an adult option) I don't know if she will even respond. I thought about asking her why she is so angry...asking her to please be civil for the benefit of her child. Part of me just says let it go, we only hear from her here and there, and I shouldn't let her think she gets to us. I'm sorry but I probably didn't word it so clearly in the initial post. We have no communication with the daughter and do not intend to. The mother is so dysfunctional that it is not possible for us to have a relationship with the child while maintaining a household here. Not going to happen, and if it did, It has the potential to really make things tough here. The child will be 16 years old this year. Im not going to say anything about her, but from what I have seen (she is proudly displayed on various websites) it doesn't give a good message of just a nice kid that hasn't had the best mom. Besides the mother is too much of a mess...way way way too much. My husband has absolutely no interest because the mother is so horrific. The system will allow her to walk all over him, no question. That is the reason why we haven't went back to court for any modifications. They were somewhat fair in the original hearing or I should say it could have been worse, so regardless we just keep it as it is...no reason to make things worse or to encounter her again. I just want her to at the very least be civil and not call here harassing us!

[spinmaster61]

Originally Posted by simmag Thank you for the response, it is appreciated! The only way I can attempt to contact the mother is through her MySpace page...(out of all places, cant believe this is an adult option) I don't know if she will even respond. I thought about asking her why she is so angry...asking her to please be civil for the benefit of her child. Part of me just says let it go, we only hear from her here and there, and I shouldn't let her think she gets to us. I'm sorry but I probably didn't word it so clearly in the initial post. We have no communication with the daughter and do not intend to. The mother is so dysfunctional that it is not possible for us to have a relationship with the child while maintaining a household here. Not going to happen, and if it did, It has the potential to really make things tough here. The child will be 16 years old this year. Im not going to say anything about her, but from what I have seen (she is proudly displayed on various websites) it doesn't give a good message of just a nice kid that hasn't had the best mom. Besides the mother is too much of a mess...way way way too much. My husband has absolutely no interest because the mother is so horrific. The system will allow her to walk all over him, no question. That is the reason why we haven't went back to court for any modifications. They were somewhat fair in the original hearing or I should say it could have been worse, so regardless we just keep it as it is...no reason to make things worse or to encounter her again. I just want her to at the very least be civil and not call here harassing us!

It sounds disturbing and you can belive that the mother you are discribing knows just what she is doinng. As far as the daughter the fruit don't fall very far from the tree.Alot of people use child support as a weapon in alot of diffrent ways. Aginst telephone harrassment i dont know how much calling in police would benifit you.I am sure telephone companies can trace ware the calls are originating from that is to your benifit courts acting on it is the question The mothers stategy was to bait you in and harras you. Now with him paying child support and whatever else she can think of for him to pay for his daughter . She will more than likely continue to enjoy her leverage she has aquired.I do hear alot of these child support stories and what i am hearing in this case is alot of the time the outcome. Really i like your sugestion of her acting civil.But it don't sound like the mother has the ability to reason.Alot of luck to you!

[Gbyte]

Originally Posted by simmag Thank you for the response, it is appreciated! The only way I can attempt to contact the mother is through her MySpace page...(out of all places, cant believe this is an adult option) I don't know if she will even respond. I thought about asking her why she is so angry...asking her to please be civil for the benefit of her child. Part of me just says let it go, we only hear from her here and there, and I shouldn't let her think she gets to us. I'm sorry but I probably didn't word it so clearly in the initial post. We have no communication with the daughter and do not intend to. The mother is so dysfunctional that it is not possible for us to have a relationship with the child while maintaining a household here. Not going to happen, and if it did, It has the potential to really make things tough here. The child will be 16 years old this year. Im not going to say anything about her, but from what I have seen (she is proudly displayed on various websites) it doesn't give a good message of just a nice kid that hasn't had the best mom. Besides the mother is too much of a mess...way way way too much. My husband has absolutely no interest because the mother is so horrific. The system will allow her to walk all over him, no question. That is the reason why we haven't went back to court for any modifications. They were somewhat fair in the original hearing or I should say it could have been worse, so regardless we just keep it as it is...no reason to make things worse or to encounter her again. I just want her to at the very least be civil and not call here harassing us!

Ok. Then tell her NOT TO CALL. That's really all you have to do. If she calls, tell her to mail a letter if she needs to communicate - that she needs to stop calling. Verbal communication is no longer an option.

Leave it at that. Hang up if need be. If she continues to call, tell her you will call the police and file harrasement charges if she does not stop. Then do it if she does again.

Just don't put up with it.

Sorry you don't feel a positive influence could help the poor young lady that is the center of this. I'm sure your rejection of her likely makes it worse. I don't mean to be too judgemental, though I know I am. Just that having her dad reject her would be REALLY hard. Whether or not she'd let you know. At least send birthday cards...christmas cards...I feel so bad for her.

Originally Posted by Gbyte Ok. Then tell her NOT TO CALL. That's really all you have to do. If she calls, tell her to mail a letter if she needs to communicate - that she needs to stop calling. Verbal communication is no longer an option. Leave it at that. Hang up if need be. If she continues to call, tell her you will call the police and file harrasement charges if she does not stop. Then do it if she does again. Just don't put up with it. Sorry you don't feel a positive influence could help the poor young lady that is the center of this. I'm sure your rejection of her likely makes it worse. I don't mean to be too judgemental, though I know I am. Just that having her dad reject her would be REALLY hard. Whether or not she'd let you know. At least send birthday cards...christmas cards...I feel so bad for her.

WHAT HAPEND TO TELEPHONE HARASMENT CHARGES?

I understand how you feel! It is so tough when the other parent is very difficult. I told my ex-husband to do everything in writing right from the divorce. Sounds like and easy answer, but it's not going to fix the problem, believe it or not! Now I get so many harassing and abusive emails. I get blamed for everything and indirectly threatened to comply with his demands. What's even worse is that his wife gets involved at times and she is just a naturally rude and nasty person. Everyone is right, keep it all in righting, but something new I'm adding to my tool box... a digital voice recorder to start taping all verbal conversations. Good luck.

just be careful with that one because in some states it is illegal to record someone without their knowledge