WHAT SHOULD I DO ???

[Wonder40]

I am going to try to keep this short, but in a nutshell, I have 3 children, 2 of which are grown and married and my 16 yr old had been at home living with me and out of nowhere his dad shows up (now lives 5 hrs away) and my son wants to live with him. His dad didn't try to be a father, no birthday card or phone call to any of the kids, in about 15 yrs. He owes a LOT of arrears in child support. (3 kids + 15 yrs = $$). And it's not so much the money, although it would be nice, but it's more about where I go from here.

He has been with his dad for 2 months or so and wants to stay there and go to school. He doesn't want to come home. I currently have full custody....

1) Do I request a hearing to transfer custody to him? I'm thinking.... what if something happens to him while he is with his father..??

2) Do I request a hearing for "shared" parenting as I really don't wish to give him FULL custody!! (probably stems from me not thinking he deserves it).

3) Do I sit back and do nothing and hope it works itself out?

Options 1 & 2 - can he make ME pay child support when he already owes $60k? Or will they deduct the next 2 yrs that he may have my son from what he owes???

I'm so confused and I just want my son to be happy. I can tell that having his father in his life for the first time is really NEW to him and he is enjoying himself to a point where he doesn't want to come back home at all. He wants to live there and live that way of life. I don't have a problem with that, I just want to do this legally and amicably.

ANY HELP OUT THERE???? Where do I begin?

[tbyte]

Do you have justifiable reasons to worry about his safety when he is with his father?

[Wonder40]

Tbyte,

Well, not that I know of but to be honest, he's been out of the picture so long, it's hard to tell. All I know is how he "used" to be when we were together and it was not at all good. In speaking with him, I sense that he is still the same and nothing much has changed. So, is my son in any physical danger.... honestly probably not. But "mental" danger, I would most likely say yes. My ex likes to lie to cover up lies and it's really out of habit and it's like 2nd nature to him. And he cusses like a sailor...... I know my son is 16 and that shouldn't bother me, but it does because I didn't raise my son like that. I never cussed like THAT in front of him. I taught him respect, kindness, love and responsibility. His dad is teaching him how NOT to respect others, NOT to be responsible and not to care about anything but yourself. That is NOT a way to live!!! So, basically his father is undoing everything that I have ever instilled in my son or taught him. I also think that his father would brainwash him because now, out of nowhere, my son doesn't want to see me. I find that very strange. He's always loved and respected his mother and I know that something is holding him back.... I just wish I knew what was going on...... this hurts like nothing I've ever felt before.

[Gbyte]

I would get him home. Encourage future contact and half the summers. He's almost an adult, he can make it another couple of years.

[tbyte]

I think the root of your problem lies with your son, not with the father.
You appear to have legitimate reasons for not wanting your son to live at his father's house, though thankfully you seem respectful of his having a relationship with his father.
So, you could legally require the son to move back to your house, but what would that do to your relationship with your son?
Why does you son want to live with his father rather than you? You have to address that issue, respect your son's reasons, explain your concerns with him, and hopefully work out a compromise with your son.