Temporary custody turning permanent.Help please

Okay, a little history on my situation. My ex has been awarded temporary emergency custody on July 10th. That order was extended on July 16th "until further order of the court". Our daughter is now 20 months old. He was awarded temporary custody due to my issues with alcoholism. I went on a binge and he felt I was neglecting my daughter.

I freely admit that I have struggled with alcoholism in the past. I have been to 5 detoxes in the last 5 years. Once completing a detox progam, I had been involved in AA, as well as seeing a drug and alcohol therapist on an idividual basis as well as a group therapy for relapse prevention once a week.

As soon as this most recent incident happened, I again put myself into detox and then went on to further treatment by completing a 28 day inpatient program. I had never done that before. Since graduating from that program, I have continued to go on to further outpatient treatment in an intensive SOAP program. This is an intenstive outpatient program which meets M-F 9-3:30. I will graduate from that program on October 20th. I also continue to see my drug an alcohol therapist on an individual and group basis once a week, as well as consistent attendance of AA meetings. (please don't flame me due to my alcoholism. I know how serious my actions have been).

Department of Children and Families have been involved currently and in the past. The allegation of neglect has been supported and me and my children are receiving services from them. My social worker has been great and has told me that her recommendation to the court will be ultimate reunification with me, the mother. However this is only a custody case with DCF recommendations due to the fact that the father went in for temporary custody on his own. They cannot answer any questions in court unless the judge directly asks them to her.

Due to my past history, my issues with alcoholism have been documented with involvment with DCF and my medical records with detoxes and my own personal doctor, as well as me seeing and participating in programs. I have been truthful of my past actions and my struggles with alcoholism.

The father is himself an alcoholic and drug abuser, but nothing has been documented, meaning he has never been caught. When the first report of neglect from DCF was supported, I personally took all the blame because I had never had any dealings with them and I was fearful that my daughter would immediately go to a foster home. I did not reveal my concerns about the father because he is a very functional addict and I wanted him to take the baby in the event that DCF was planning on taking her from me. Mistake on my part I know, but again, I was fearful.

The father lives in his own home that he owns with a roommate who has been his best friend for roughly 20 years. This roommate is also my daughters Godfather through the Catholic Church. The roommate has his own alcohol and drug issues, again not documented because he has never been caught. They are both daily users of alcohol and marijuana. The father has been behind on his bills and mortgage many times due to lack of funds and the his refusal to charge the roommate more money for his rent. I live in Section 8 housing with virtually no danger of eviction. I can afford my rent this way.

Within days of graduating the inpatient 28 day program, once home, I placed a motion for court ordered visitation during the pendancy of the temporary order. I was awarded visitation 2 overnights per week and alternating weekends under the supervision of my sister on September 3. The order is written to be flexible upon agreement of the father. I am grateful to have gotten the visitation and fully understand why the court and the father wanted it to be supervised due to my past history.

The father has now petitioned the court for permament custody. I do have all documentation as to the programs I have been involved in and completed(except for AA which is anonymous) and many letters of support on my behalf from staff members and clinicians within those program attesting to my determination and motivation in remaining sober. I also have 1 clean random drug and alcohol screening test results from when I was in the 28 day treatment center. I do not know where to go to voluntarily get random drug and alcohol screenings because there are no criminal issues involved.

My other child, a 14 year old, currently is under the temporary guardianship of my sister. My sister allows me unsupervised overnight visits at her discretion which has so far not been any problems. She will be returning to me full time hopefully in October. My sister is not contesting this providing I do not "slip" in the meantime. She feels safe sending my oldest child home to me and will tell the courts that. My oldest child will also be requesting personally to be returned to me, as she is old enough to have a voice in this decision. She will be expressing her wishes to the court.

I cannot afford an attorney and am stuggling to find one pro bono and/or through legal aid office because there is no domestic violence involved.

I am a resident of the state of Massachusetts if that helps any.

So in light of the above senario, I have a few questions.

1. What are my chances of regaining full custody of my youngest daughter in light of the situation, keeping in mind that I am active in my recovery and will continue to pursue and complete programs.

2. Is Massachusetts still a "mother state" in that they tend to favor the mother over the father. Keep in mind that my daughter is not even 2 years old yet.

3. Will the fact that I will have custody back of my older child weigh in on this decision at all. I am able to get her back without incidence. It is important to me that the sibling relationship be preserved. As well as the courts being willing to return her to me in light of my improvements.

4. I am not opposed to the idea of joint legal and physical custody. However there are 2 issues involved. Child support was temorarily suspended during the pendancy of the temporary custody order and my understanding is that in a joint custody judgement, child support is not awarded either way. I do rely on that child support because she is young and still in diapers, however, I will not allow money to the reason why I lose custody of my daughter. Also, I was told that my particular judge typically does not award joint custody becaues of the documented psychological effects on children as a rule. This worries me.

Any advice would be appreciated
Thank you so much

[proudmama]

2. Is Massachusetts still a "mother state" in that they tend to favor the mother over the father. Keep in mind that my daughter is not even 2 years old yet.

As for this question, I believe (I am not positive but from past experience with this state this is my opinion) that Massachusetts is a "mother state" in that no matter what harm the mother does to her kids the courts will side with her unless there is undeniable proof that she is not a fit parent. I am not saying you are a bad mother and I applaud you for facing your problems head on and not trying to hide them from the court. Unfortunatly, that could look bad on you when and if you go for full custody of your daughters. I would continue to show the courts that you are doing your best to do right by your kids and try to find a way to "catch" your ex in is illigal behavior. I hope everything turns out ok for you.

You say you've had trouble with getting legal aid agencies to assist you because there was no domestic violence involved, but you might still want to check out English - MassLegalHelp.

If you do have to go into court without representation, this information (there's a lot of it) is posted by the Judicial Institute:
Section 10 - Representing Yourself in a Civil Case: Things to Consider When Going to Court

[tbyte]

1) Your chances are about 50/50.
2) Every State is a "mother state". If you were a man, your chances in this situation would practically zero.
3) Probably not.
4) Hmmm. And have YOU been paying child support to HIM while he has had temporary custody? If the money is truly not the reason you want custody, then offer the father a 50/50 shared custody with no child support either way. After all the therapy you have been through, surely you are as capbable as earning an income as an alcoholic drug abusing man.