Custody between USA and Canada

My wife and I live in NJ, with our two natural kids.

My wife had two children with her ex in Canada.. at the time they had an amicable divorce and decided that since he worked a family business in the basement of their current residence, she would allow him to stay there, along with the kids for the majority of the time to allow them a smoother transition without moving, changing friends, schools, etc.

They have 50 50 custody, so before we met she would have them mostly on the weekends at her place, and almost never during the week to allow time for schoolwork, etc. She took them to her place for the summer once school was out.. returned them once school restarted.

We met and that tradition continued in a similar fashion. After moving to NJ with me, we have visited every other weekend (Ps the ride each way is about 7 hours) to be with the kids for the last 4 years, additionally we have been lucky enough to have them over every summer in the US with us while school was out.

We are now settled into a home and have room for the other two older kids (10 and 12) in Canada to come full time, and so we come to the main point of the post.

What is the opportunity to have the court enforce her 50% custody for at least the next 4 years, thus matching his 4 years of majority custody?

We would allow him visitation on weekends if he came here to visit, as well we would reciprocate and allow him the summer vacation with them.

Has anyone seen, heard, or had experience with this type of international custody?

We are prepared to visit an attorney soon since the father is against this proposed arrangement.

My best guess is that since he receives about 900.00 a month from the gov't to care for the kids, and he under reports his income to get it.. that once the kids are with us he would lose that income. Just a guess you see, however judging from the condition of the kids clothing, appearance, cleanliness, and health or lack thereof when we visit, I don't think he is using much of that support money to care for them. Rather he uses most of it to support his computing/internet/smoking/ etc vices.

There's way more info on how we feel they are mistreated, but please try to give advice based on what you've read so far.

Thanks in advance !

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Originally Posted by Unregistered There's way more info on how we feel they are mistreated, but please try to give advice based on what you've read so far.

Fair enough.

Originally Posted by Unregistered What is the opportunity to have the court enforce her 50% custody for at least the next 4 years, thus matching his 4 years of majority custody?

Ain't gonna happen, at least in U.S. courts. If your wife voluntarily failed to take advantage of her legal visitation rights, she won't be allowed to "make it up" later.

Originally Posted by Unregistered Just a guess you see, however judging from the condition of the kids clothing, appearance, cleanliness, and health or lack thereof when we visit, I don't think he is using much of that support money to care for them. Rather he uses most of it to support his computing/internet/smoking/ etc vices.

Yet this horrible, lazy, no-good man has been the primary caregiver for the last few years. And while this irresponsible man was taking care of them through the school week, their mother was out moving on with her career and starting up a new relationship.
And now that she is on her feet, she feels it would be OK to disrupt the children's lives by moving them away from their primary caregiver, away from the home, and their neighborhood, and even their country.

Do I sound harsh?
Well this is what it is going to look like in court if you tell this story.

I can't speak to Canadian Courts, but in U.S. courts, by all rights, the father should be able to request a change in the parenting plan granting him primary custody and monthly child support from the mother.

I appreciate your candid view.

Any contrary advice on how to best approach this?

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I think the mother needs to think about where her priorities are. She wants a relationship, and a home in another country, and to become the perfect mother that she has not been for the last four years, and she wants a court to give all of that to her at the cost of disrupting the lives of her children and screwing over the man who has been taking care of them.

My advice on moral questions such as this is that if you truly put the best interests of the children first, then you will have nothing to regret in the future. And don't tell me that the kids will have a better home with you, in another country, because your combined incomes are higher. That is only one factor in the children's happiness, and is one that U.S. courts are officially not allowed to consider.