How badly will adultery effect custody?

[Maggie101]

Here's the story in a nutshell, my sister was married to a heartless, uncaring SOB for many years. She finally got up the guts to leave him around Christmas of last year. About 9 months ago, she started talking to an old friend and they started dating 6 months ago. Who showered her with the affection that she has been missing all of these years.

Well, she has just found out that she is about 1 month pregnant.

Technically, she is still married. She never bothered to get a legal separation from her husband as the divorce paperwork is nearly signed.

She has a three year old child who the father has been fighting very strongly for joint and/or full custody. (In this case, he is doing it simply because he is a controlling person and it hurts my sister and NOT for the sake of the child). He is an alcoholic, emotionally abusive, suicidal and depressive.

I know what my sister did was wrong, but he truly is worse than she...

He does not know that she is pregnant, and ideally - he will never know the birthday of the new baby and be able to use it against her. But realistically, if he finds out - how badly has she hurt her custody case with her first child?

[angel1964]

it shouldnt hurt her custody case. But when they go on the stand to get their divorce the judge is going to ask her if she is pregnant. and she cant lie. I dont know if they will make her get a paternity test to prove who the father is. The judicial systems are more for the woman anyway. They will get joint custody with physical custody with her I am guessing as long as she is a fit mother.

[angel1964]

also what state are you in? Most states have a no fault law. You can go for adultery but it is very expensive and time consuming.

[Maggie101]

Thank you for your reply. It already makes me feel a lot better.

My fear is that somehow or another, the father will win. The father has been getting more than we anticipated already. The time is already split 55% Mother and 45% father. We went as far as putting both the father and my sister through psychological testing (we have notes he had written to my sister describing his alcohol problems, other issues, and his "blinding fury at the world - if that gives you a picture of who he is).

And you'll never guess what the shrink says...he says "The child is the only thing bringing the father happiness. Therefore the arrangement should stay as it is to the child can help the father to avoid depression --> drinking --> suicidal thoughts."

Boy, and here I was thinking the FATHER should be the one protecting the child and bringing joy to the child. Unbelievable court system we have isn't it?

We are in PA. And my sister is a very good mother. She also has as support my parents (with whom she is living), myself and my husband (the child's godparents), and our brother and his fiancee, all of whom are hardwarking, decent people who live within 3 blocks of the child and see him frequently. She should have everything in her favor, and yet somehow, the father is able to play the victim and win over the special master and the psychiatrist.

This is the first divorce we are experiencing as a family and it truly has been just horrible. It seems like everything that could go wrong, is.

Thank you again for any and all thoughts you may have.

[angel1964]

Divorce is a hard thing to go through especially when children are involved and they are the ones who get hurt. notes should be kept of anything that happens and outbursts that happenyou may even want to see if it can be court ordered that he go to a therapist. The therapist will determine if he is stable too. I would suggest an guardian adlitme for the child but my experience with them is not a good one. He got us in his office, you our your heart out to them in hopes of helping your child and they turn it all around in the court room. It was not a good experience. I hope everything works out for you and your family. Stay strong. Dont let him get to you and keep your calm.

[proudmama]

if it is a no-fault state then adultery doesn't matter but like what was already stated you need to find out what the laws are in your state.