Makes no sense

I will try to catch up here. It has been a long battle. I have been the custodial parent for 11 years. In 2006 I got ill and my sister helped with my daughter as there was no way I could take care of her. I had a virus attack my central nervous system. I am not an alcoholic, drug addict, child abuser.... Nothing of the sort. However, after my daughter (let's call her Sue) returned home when I got to feeling better, her father filed for primary custody and won. He has a history of child abuse, his spouse admitted to the fighting in the home, my daughter told the judge about the fighting in the home, she expressed a clear desire to stay in my home due to her fathers behavior (not because of childish reasons), he has a history of child abuse and had a Protection order against him for our daughter, he is medicating our daughter to make her sleep if she has bad dreams (or when she had a reaction to her shots he gave her benedril as per a counselors advice instead of cold compresses and tylenol because he had a vacation and needed to get to bed to sleep so he could get up and catch his flight)... I'll stop with that. Anyway, in the judges order he gave no reason for a change in custody and referred to Sue's comments about her fathers behavior as "her perception." He totally dismissed the PFA order that had been placed against him. This is all currently in appeal to the state superior court....

Now he is totally ignoring the order that is in place. He actually gets custody at the end of August but was ordered to get Sue in to counseling in June. He does not have her in counseling and refuses to give me the info for the individual she had been seeing. He is medicating her ANY time that she has trouble sleeping. He has not given me insurance information as the court ordered. His temper has escalated to breaking things around the house. He is calling me a "D*** head" to our daughter.

At this point I just want to scream. Any time anything is filed it goes to the same judge that gave him custody so it is pointless I feel. I don't know what to do. No matter what choices I make I get a lecture from the judge. For example. In 10 years I have taken a single vacation. I got a free 2 week trip to Japan (had a friend stationed there). The trip made it so that she spent an extra day with her father. I was, according to the judge, "irresponsible." Sue could have gone as well but he refused to sign for the passport. In the past 3 months he has taken at least 5 trips of leisure. All but one interfered with his time with Sue. This has been constant in the past 11 years. Judges says he deserves a break. I bought Sue a cell phone so she can call home any time she needs to talk. He took it from her. She is ONLY allowed to use it when he is present. "It is my house and my rules. I don't care who pays for the phone. I will take it when I d*** well please."

I always assumed a parent never lost custody if they were a good parent. I am not a perfect parent but Sue is no less normal than any other child. She has good grades (all A's ad B's), gets awards for her behavior in school and overall is a good kid..... I guess I just need an outlet, advice, someone else that has been there.....something

[olive]

[Now he is totally ignoring the order that is in place. He actually gets custody at the end of August but was ordered to get Sue in to counseling in June. He does not have her in counseling ]


The order still governs and any judge will enforce his own order;have your ex held in contempt if need be, at least on some of these issues.