Visitation boundries

Hello,

My spouse has a 7 year old son with an ex-boyfriend. The ex lives out of state and has visitation 1 weekend a month where he comes to us. He has him from Friday night until late sunday afternoon. Recently, our son has requested a cell phone. We put him off for several months because he couldn't give us a reason why he needed one. He's always with one of us or a family member who has one. Finally, he said he want's it when he goes with his father because he doesn't like to ask his dad to use his phone to call home. I don't doubt that if he has asked to call home, his father has brushed it off. The ex is very terrotorial when it comes to "his time with his son". We've gotten him a phone to take with him, his father was not thrilled the idea. This past visit, our son came home and said he didn't want to take his phone any more because daddy says I don't need it. He went on to say that daddy only has 42 hours with me and the cell phone get's in the way. Our son is 7, he's not calling or texting his friends instead of talking with his father. The phone also has an mp-3 player, so he can listen to his music when they're driving or when he's falling asleep. It doesn't seem like it's interfering with "daddy time". When my spouse heard all of this from our son, she was furious. First, that he sent his son to do the dirty work. He didn't have the guts to talk to her about it, instead he guilted his son into not taking his phone. Having the phone makes him feel better being away from home. She called an left him a message bascially saying that he should have spoken to her about it, that the phone makes him feel better and that he mostly uses the phone for the music. He called back and left a message that was in substance and tone very threatening. He said that he's 7 and he doesn't need a phone, he doesn't need to listen to the music because he only has a short amount of time with him. If he brings the phone at the next visit, the phone will come back in pieces. He also said that if he's uncomfortable, he's 7, he'll get over it. He said that she can get a court order if she wants him to be able to take it during visits. It seems like such a silly thing to get that worked up about but do we need to get a court order for something like this? Can the ex dictate what our son gets to bring on a visit?

Thanks

[tbyte]

I don't blame the father at all for being jealous of the one weekend a month he gets for visitation. Good for him about putting his foot down about the cell phone.
If he does not like having to ask his dad to use his phone to call your spouse, then that is an issue the two of them will need to work out. While the boy is with his father, you need to respect his rules.

Just to give an update. Our son has revealed to us that his father takes him to the race track. And has been taking him on and off for the last several years and it's become a regular occurence recently. It would seem that the cell phone and the track visits are related. Looks like he's up for Father of the Year.

ok..i might be wrong but what the hell does a race track and a cell have to do w/ each other? there's no connection-whether you like it or not.

2nd of all-I agree that he's being TOOO angry and jealous, etc. OBVIOUSLY the child doesn't feel comfortable enough to ask for the phone call. SOOO giving him a cell is ok. It doesn't do anything bad. It can't POSSIBLY take up all 48 hours. SORRY. There's NO WAY. If he likes music; that's GREAT!!

Every child should know how to love and appreciate music. Starting at a young age. Besides this; if this man is sending the child to talk about the situation, wanting to go to court over this, & didn't get more than one weekend in a month to start with...he's probably not the greatest of men on the planet. IF he was a good dad he would do what his child feels comfortable with. If that means having a cell phone for one or two phone calls a week...oh well. Take him to court. File a petition, talk to the judge and just let him know it's for your CHILD'S mental wellness & self-security (like a security blanket)...it has NOTHING to do w/ the father. He's being selfish and if he cared at all or was fit-he would've goten more than one wekend to begin with. So there ya go.

I was connecting the phone issue with the race track because it would make sense to us that he wouldn't want our son to call from the track or for us to call when they were at the track. So his unreasonable response to our son having a phone with him was put into perspective with this latest inforamtion. I've believed he wasn't the best father and doesn't always have his son's best interests in mind. It's good to know that my opinion isn't completely biased.