To persue or not

The father of my child was married when she was conceived. His name is not on the birth certificate. He is still married and has a child that is eight and a half months older than her. The father and I talk everyday and have had many heated arguements in the past years regarding our child. He was seeing her for about 30 minutes one time every two months, and he lived about 5-10 minutes away. He gives me $100-140 a month to pay for things she needs. His wife knows nothing about any of this, which is why he doesn't see our child as much. I now live an hour away from him and now he sees her for about an hour once a month.

We've both made our threats to one another, and it gets more real each time. I'm tired of him telling me what to do and how things are going to be. I want him to take full responsibility for his actions and be in his daughters life, like he is with the child living with him. It feels like my child is not as worthy as that child in his eyes. She does not deserve to be treated any less...she's his child too! I know he does care about her, but not like he should.

I have filled out the forms to acknowledge paternity and apply for support. Money is not the issue here, I take good care of my daughter. It's about taking responsibility and treating her as an equal. However, he told me from the beginning that if it got out he's the father, that he would have nothing to do with her; he would change his numbers, move if needed, and be nothing more than a check from DHS.

I know he's looking more to cut me out of his life, but I'm just afraid he'd cut her out for good. He didn't want me to have her for the reprecussion's it could cause.....losing his child at home; he doesn't want to be a part-time father to that one....but apparently it's okay to be a one time a month to another? I guess my question is, should I go through with the persual? And can he be made to have visitation?

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

The father of my child was married when she was conceived. His name is not on the birth certificate. He is still married and has a child that is eight and a half months older than her.

Eight and a half months. Nice.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I want him to take full responsibility for his actions and be in his daughters life, like he is with the child living with him.

You have both screwed up a bunch of people's lives in this situation, so you both need to step up to the plate and start taking responsibility. It sounds like you are just now starting to do so.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

It feels like my child is not as worthy as that child in his eyes. She does not deserve to be treated any less...she's his child too! I know he does care about her, but not like he should.

You have absolutely no control over whether he love his child or not. That is up to him, and is one thing you should NOT feel responsible for.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

However, he told me from the beginning that if it got out he's the father, that he would have nothing to do with her;

What a sweet guy.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

... he would change his numbers, move if needed, and be nothing more than a check from DHS.

That would be his decision, and you should NOT let him use such simple threats to manipulate you.

The man has a legal responsibility to provide for your daughter, and you have a moral responsibility to make sure she receives what she is entitled to.

The man has a moral responsibility to love his child, but unfortunately that is something over which you have no control. Stop worrying about things you can't control. There are plenty of other things you have to worry about that you can control.