Non-residential parent wants custody

[skittles972001]

I have a question. I live in Ohio. My ex-wife and I have shared custody of our 4-year-old daughter. We are on a 2-2-3 schedule where we basically share everything 50/50, however she is still listed as the main residential parent and I am still paying her child support.

The reasons for our divorce stemmed from my ex-wife's addiction to prescription drugs. She has been to rehab twice before; both times it "took" for awhile but then she slid back to her old ways. After the second time, we got divorced. This has happened again and she has informed me that she will be entering a 90-day treatment program sometime this summer, as soon as one of the two places she is able to afford have a place for her.

Our daughter is supposed to start preschool this year. And she is signed up for soccer in the fall. My ex and I agreed to split the cost 50/50. Obviously our daughter would be living full-time with me while her mother is seeking treatment. I don't really want to take my daughter away from her mother but I don't know what to do. While our daughter is with me and her mother is in rehab, her mother will be collecting the $500/month child support, which obviously is supposed to go toward my daughter's needs. I am not sure I will be able to pay for the preschool and soccer in full on my own without help from my ex as we had agreed to. I'm afraid if I go for full custody the court is going to see it as my ex trying to get better again, and I'm afraid if I file for a change in child support that things between my ex and I will go back to not being civil. Any suggestions?

Ask the court to change the order temporarily while she is in rehab and when your daughter will not be with her.

That certainly seem reasonable.

Or your ex can just agree, write it up, and you two can send it to the judge to sign.

[tbyte]

You cannot let worries about her being "uncivil" to your divert you from the correct course of action. She will sense that very quickly, and realize that she can use it to manipulate you.
You should consider citing the mother's chronic relapses as a significant change in circumstances justifying a change in the shared parenting arrangement that would declare you the residential parent.

[skittles972001]

The problem with us being uncivil is that my ex-wife uses it against our daughter. For example, if I get called into work at the last minute (I work at a hospital and am often on-call) she will tell our daughter "Daddy doesn't want to come get you today" instead of the truth. I just don't want our daughter to suffer emotionally.

This is the third relapse, but only the first that she's admitted to since we've been divorced, so I don't think "chronic relapses" will be a significant enough change in circumstances.

[skittles972001]

I am completely afraid to bring it up with my ex because of how emotionally volatile she can be. I don't want things to go back to the way they were, as our daughter was really starting to show some emotional effects from the hostility. Honestly, retaliation from my ex really is a huge factor here. And unfortunately, so is money. I don't have a lot for a long court fight, this last parenting schedule change took over three months and I still owe for that. I'm afraid if I file anything now, it will just be continued until she is out of rehab because there will be no one there to represent her side (she cannot afford a lawyer, didn't have one for our last court case).

[skittles972001]

Another question about this...if I do use the relapses, or the "homeless" status that she has, as a significant change in circumstances, and file for residential parent status in court...won't everything be put on hold until she gets out of rehab anyway? I can't see the court making a decision without my ex or a representative of her present, and she does not have a lawyer. There's only a couple of weeks until she enters rehab, not enough time to get anything scheduled on a court docket.

[tbyte]

She might ask the court for a continuance.
But, here is how you argue it. When she gets out of rehab she will tell the court that she is all better now, and should get her child back all nicey-nicey. What YOU tell the court is that the mother is in a delicate post-rehabilitation phase, where the stress of taking responsibility for the child will may it difficult for her to stay straight.