To fight or not to fight in California

Where do I start. My two year old son's father is a crack addict. Maybe that tells the whole story right there, but more info is required. During a dark time in my life I went into an inpatient rehab facility for alcohol treatment. I was completely naive about drug addiction (not that it is any worse, but it is FAR different as I have come to learn). In any case, I met the addict at rehab. (Yeah - GREAT IDEA). In any case, we dated for about 5 years and we were both sober for several years when I got pregnant. We had a beatiful boy in January of 2006.

In March of 2006, he relapsed.

And continued to relapse until I finally moved out and got my own apartment with our child in February of this year. In the process of his relapses, he lost two jobs, rang up a $50,000 debt (which he just filed for bankrupcty to resolve), got arrested for driving under the influence of a controlled substance. He is living in a sober living home (and was ordered to do so by the court for at least 3 months), is also supposedly on probation and has to finish a DUI class. He has given me not ONE CENT for my son's care since September of last year. He lived on unemployment and still gave me no money.

His family has money. In fact, Daddy was going to pay for his bankruptcy attorney. He does have some sort of retirement and a profit sharing plan with his former employer (Daddy).

I have let him be around our son when he is clean. We both signed the Declaration of Paternity at the hospital. His name is on the birth certificate.

I would like to get some support, but frankly, he has no income right now, so should I bother? Can I get to his retirement or profit sharing accounts? (I have no idea what he has in his name - for all I know his dad just gives him the $).

I make a decent income, but with living in California, taxes, school loans, high rent, and daycare expenses, I am BARELY making it. I guess the bottom line is this - I have been toying with the idea of filing for sole legal and physical custody. (because every time son's father is clean he tells me that he can do anything he wants with him - his name is on the birth certificate, so he has all the rights). But at the same time, I do not want to go to court and deal with him telling the judge that I am drinking (which I do very infrequently if at all) and start having to have DCSS look over my shoulder at all times. If I go to court and provide his record (and I have numerous police reports from times he has broken in to my home, or come to our previous home high and abusive over the past two years), can I easily get sole legal and physical custody? Or, am I going to have to go through the mediation process, etc. What rights DOES he currently have? [By the way, he got 4 months clean and then starting relapsing again - he is currently on a binge so I am sure he will get kicked out of his sober living home again].

Do I just leave it alone?

I appreciate any and all thoughts.

[tbyte]

You should go ahead and establish a custody order, even if you never expect to see anything from it. At least then the order is in place should he come into any funds.
You cannot pursue his parents for what is his obligation.

But what about any allegations he makes against me? I really do not want to have all my dirty laundry brought in. . .is there a way to avoid it?

[angel1964]

just as drug addicts houslnt be doing drugs alcoholics shouldnt be drinking. Even infrequently so be careful.

quite true. But frankly, I don't think I suffered from alcoholism. I think it was more a dark period in my life where I turned to alcohol for a period of time. I haven't had any problems since then. I am gainfully employed and have been for the past seven years. For two of those years I did not drink at all.

In any case, thank you for your OPINION, but my question was not about my status, my question was whether those who have had any experience in the California Family court system know how the process works and whether or not I would likely be granted sole custody. And how much the family court delves into one's background.

[tbyte]

You've been clean for two years, while he has not?
I would not be surprised if you got sole custody, but he might still be granted visitation.