Single parent? Fighting for child support payments?

[PamelaB]

Are you a single parent who is fighting for court ordered child support payments?
Are you having problems getting court orders enforced?
Has your case been in and out of the court system or in legal limbo for months or years? Does your state child support enforcement agency provide services in a timely manner?

If your life has been affected by any of these issues please contact me. I want to hear your story. Our voices need to be heard! It is my desire to fight for a change! I have met with several government officials in Montgomery and I will be meeting with others in the next few months. I would like to represent as many single parents as possible at that time.

I've spent the last two years fighting for what is legally and rightfully mine. Mine, according to court orders. Mine, according to a piece of paper signed by a judge and stamped with the court clerk's seal. Unfortunately, having these court orders means nothing if they are not enforced.

I am posting the letter I had written in hopes that you will share your struggles and concerns with me as well.

Thank You.
Pam


I am forty-two years old and the single mother of three children ranging from ages ten to sixteen years. I live in *****, Alabama and I am employed by the City of ***** where I am the secretary to the Mayor.

I am writing to you today in hopes you will feel my story is worth being told and because I believe you are sympathetic to the difficulties women face in a society which seems to care little for the welfare of single women and their children.

I am one among thousands who have grown weary of defending my rights in the court systems and winning my cases only to receive nothing in return. I deserve justice not only for myself, but for my children as well.

I am one of many who are unheard of…but highly noticeable. One of many whose hair is never in place, who is sleep deprived, who is running on an empty tank financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I am one of many who face the day with a look of contemplative concern that comes from too little sleep, limited food in the cupboard, and bill juggling since last year's tax return. Hercules himself would tremble at the range of responsibilities women like me face each day.

No one is capable understanding or appreciating the method to the madness in my life unless they to are a single parent attempting to care for themselves as well as their children with little or no help from the other parent. The work load is overwhelming. Earning a living, preparing meals, caring for children, helping with homework, cleaning house, paying bills, repairing the car, handling insurance, and doing the banking, income tax, marketing, the list goes on and on. Only a single parent can see clearly how the house can sustain itself and stand against all the odds and restraints that are present in the social and legal system. I crawl out of bed each day because I have no other choice but to try and survive. I survive anyway that I can. I do it twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I am the famous juggler of time, activity, finances, and responsibility; I have defied the laws of gravity, physics, and economics.

In October of 2004 I joined the ranks of many other women in society today. I became a single mother of three exceptionally bright children. I was awarded full custody, $1200.00 a month in child support ($92.31 each week, per child) and $300.00 in alimony. My ex-husband was ordered to pay all medical expenses (which has been paid by me since 2006), and the monthly mortgage on our home until our youngest son (who was six at the time) graduated from high school. He met and married a woman with two children in May of 2006. He purchased a nice home with a pool, on a golf course, and in the country club. He bought new furniture and appliances for every room. He had the best of everything. As the next two years passed, my ex-husband stopped paying medical and orthodontic payments. His life insurance policy, which he was ordered to be kept current by the courts, was canceled. He refused to help with school expenses and he became increasingly angry and abusive on the weekends he had with the children. During this time and after court ordered counseling, he was stripped of any visitation rights unless supervised. This was due to physical, mental, and emotional abuse.

In January of 2007 I received a letter stating the mortgage on the home my children and I had lived in for seventeen years had not been paid in over four months and foreclosure proceedings had begun. In February 2007 the judge ordered my ex-husband to bring the mortgage up to date or be incarcerated. He made no attempt to make the mortgage payment on the home his children lived in, however, the mortgage payment of $1400.00 on the home his wife and two stepchildren lived in remained current.

In June of 2007 my children and I were notified that we had ten days to vacate the home. We were emotionally and mentally devastated. We had no idea where we would go or what we would do. I knew that on my weekly salary it would not be possible to pay rent, much less utilities. Not to mention, I was still making a loan payment each month for siding on a home I was forced to leave. I don’t believe I have ever felt so alone and afraid. A relative offered to let us stay in his home until we could get back on our feet. I honestly don’t know where we would have gone or what might have happened to us if he had not been there.

For four months my children and I lived out of two rooms in someone else’s home. My son and I shared one room and slept on a mattress in the floor. My daughters shared the other room. Although I was thankful for the roof over our heads and the compassion my cousin had shown, the humiliating circumstances of being homeless and unable to provide a home for my children was almost more than I could bear.

My former husband received a GENEROUS SALARY and BENEFITS from a large corporation. The company provided him with a new vehicle, paid for his auto insurance, fuel, cell phone, and internet access. He was capable of meeting his responsibilities as well as any material needs our children may have had. However, he chose to provide a more than comfortable life for himself, his wife, and his two step-children, leaving his own children homeless. As for my obligations, I have always demonstrated the utmost in responsibility by ensuring the mental, physical, emotional, nutritional, and educational needs of my children were met on a daily basis. My children have and always will be my top priority.

My ex-husband was incarcerated for six days. He was released after his wife (who works in administration for a local hospital) had a doctor send a letter stating he had an anxiety disorder and his condition required his immediate release. This came as quite a shock to me, considering I had been married to him for fifteen years and he was mentally and physically the picture of health. Also, during the six days he was incarcerated I did not receive any child support. In order for him to be punished it meant we were punished as well. In the meantime, his income increased $1200.00 each month since he no longer paid the mortgage on the home his children had lived in all of their lives. His lifestyle did not change, but was better than ever. The legal system released him from jail, he went on with his life, and his income had increased while the children and I were without a roof over our heads, our child support was less, and he still wasn’t providing court ordered medical payments.

After four months of being homeless I was able to purchase a new home for myself and my children. It was considerably smaller than our old home and we were forced to sell most of our furniture and many family treasures, but we were determined to find the silver lining in our shattered lives. With only $154.00 remaining after the weekly mortgage payment of $180.00, our income was budgeted to the penny and dependent on the child support payments. We learned to do without many things, but we realized we still had what was important…each other. The bond between my children and I is remarkable and unbreakable. We were determined we were going to survive.

That was in October of 2007. Recently, with bills due and cupboards bare, I received the news he had willingly resigned from his well-paying job of eight years because it was too stressful and be was depressed. He had threatened to quit many times. Once again, the walls are closing down around me. Knowing that I would now be the sole person responsible for the well-being of my children, I swallowed my pride and made the humiliating walk through the doors of the Department of Human Resources in search of some temporary assistance, however, I quickly learned that because I am employed and considered to be a middle class citizen I am disqualified from receiving any assistance from the government. The fact that I have lost over half of my monthly income does not factor into the devastating circumstances.

Unfortunately, by the time my child support case is heard in court, my family and I will be homeless, destitute; my credit ruined… all due to no fault of my own, but because an absent parent refused to take responsibility for his own children.

The legal system falls short of supporting single parents when it comes to enforcing court orders for dead beat dads. Months and years go by before the courts will hear a case. They are often continued repeatedly and the single mother and her children are forced into bankruptcy, losing their homes, cars, and their dignity. The time frame for hearing court cases and enforcing court rulings is detrimental to single mothers whose daily survival depends on receiving their child support payments on time and without delay. It does not matter how many court battles we win or what we are awarded if the system cannot enforce the court order. We are left with nothing but a piece of paper stating we are victorious.

I have been blessed with three amazing and exceptional children. They excel academically and are in the top of their class. Over the years, they have observed me struggling to survive financially and emotionally. At a very young age, they have learned the meaning of personal sacrifice. They deserve justice, a sense of security, and peace of mind in their lives.

I have always strived to do the best for my family. I consider myself to be a strong woman; tough, and determined; however, due to circumstances beyond my control, I have reached the end of my rope. I am not sure how I can improve the situation I am in. I am not sure if I can break the barricades that are blocking me from providing the basic necessities and a home for my children. The current laws and programs in Alabama do not provide the support single parents need to recover from the struggles they face.

Again, I am a single parent, one of many who are alone; one of many who has visions of a better life for their children. It is my hope that you will help me raise awareness of the plight of single women in society today; their struggles and their fears; their courage and their strength. It is only when we come together that our voices can be heard; it is only then that we can fight for our rights and focus on regaining the confidence and dignity which has been cruelly stolen from us.

I would like for my voice to be heard. Resolving the concerns surrounding child support will require changes to the laws in Alabama and other states and I, along with your help, would like to be a part of that change. It is my desire to find a solution and to implement and design a new child support assurance program for the State of Alabama. An answer must be found. The children we are attempting to raise are the future of this country, but we cannot do it alone. Help me in my efforts to provide a better road to their future. Help me move a mountain.

Sincerely,

Hi--Your right, only someone else who has gone thru it would understand. My business of 20 years was destroyed by my husband a few years ago. Thousands of patterns, commercial sewing machines, tons of fabric...my lifes work--noone once to hear it--female judges are the wost--the judge gave me 10 minutes to decide visation or she would assign a law guardian--6 times he didn't show up for court with his taxes, then she finally ordered a bench warrent--that was 6 months ago--its not even in the system--every town says its not there juristiction--noone will arrest him--ah--it is so frustrating--i had to apply for public asst for a 1 shot deal which was a loan--horrible--there is no help in this country unless you are being hit or on the street--i was lucky enough to find a legal aid lawyer to help me--we are barely holding on to our apt--my ex owns 3 homes,buildings and drives a mercedes but i have to prove that--where do i get the money to hire a lawyer to prove that--my parents don't believe me--my daughter was sobbing on fathers day--and he is so arrogant--i am really sorry for you and hope you can find a way out--i really have no suggestions--only prayer--

[mdtsdl]

I can empathise with any mother struggling to survive because the father of their children does not financially support their children. The court system should be ashamed of themselves having fathers out there who are thousands and thousands of dollars behind in support. My childs father is behind $6,900.00 in back child support and I have to rely on the corporation counsel (because it is an interstate) case to speak for me. I have no voice. I can not even contact Arizona asking any questions because they will not speak to me. My daughters father has been in and out of her life for years and because I reside in another state its not like I can go to the local unit and demand to be heard. Since moving to AZ in January 2007, my daughters father has made 5 child support payments. Why are these fathers allowed to live their lives while they have children out there that they are not supporting? They should be put in jail. There needs to be tougher laws for these men. Single mothers who have custody of their children do not have the luxury of not paying for our kids, why should the absent father.

[PamelaB]

The issue of non payment of child support and the total disregard of the court system to enforce the law is a serious and persistent problem. It is the responsibility of the state and federal governments to set forth guidelines regarding child support collections and it is the responsibility of the legal system to enforce the law. Unfortunately, there are not any consequences for breaking this law.

My advice to you would be to write letters to the attorney general, state representatives, senators, and anyone else you can think of...in both states. Be relentless. Be a thorn in their side.

Our circumstances are not rare. However, custodial parents become frustrated with the whole, long, process and after years they just give up. Every person who is in this situation or has been should let their voices be heard...and loud. Don't go away!

I am on a mission to make a difference. I am listing an ad in three local newspapers asking anyone whose lives have been destroyed due to this issue to send me their story. I plan on taking these stories with me when I speak before the legislature and the committee for child support guidelines.

Thank you for contacting me and feel free to do so anytime!

Pam

Pam,
I applaud you for your diligence and your voice in light of your situation. I agree that unless someone is a single parent who is receiving no support from the other, they could not begin to understand the heartache, helplessness and humiliation that we must endure as single mothers. I am a 25 year old single mother of 2 children (ages 3 and 4). I have actually been seriously considering taking my story, along with as many others as I can, to our state government. I have also considered opening a home for single mothers. One which would simultaneously offer a network of support, education, child care, financial assistance and allow mothers to share their strengths and teach each other the basics of keeping a healthy, happy home for their children. In order to do this, I do feel that it is necessary to fight for a change within our state legislation and I would be more than happy to join you in the fight.

I married my ex-husband when I was only 19. He was 13 years older than I and a practicing attorney in Jefferson County. We had a son in 2003 and found out we were pregnant again in the fall of 2004. Soon after, my husband stopped making our mortgage payments. I was enrolled in school and working full time. My paychecks paid our family health insurance and the bills. His check was to pay the mortgage. I found out in May of 2005 that our home was being foreclosed. I was absolutely devastated. He filed for bankruptcy soon after and told me that I would have to get our next home (an apartment) in my name as his credit would not be acceptable on the application. About a week before I gave birth to our daughter, he moved out leaving me with an almost 2 year old and on the brink of labor. Our agreement, once again, had been that my checks pay the bills and his pay the rent. Conveniently for him, he moved out just before the first of the month---after I had paid all of the bills for the month. Rent was due and he had washed his hands of the responsibility to pay. He offered that I move out and he would keep the apartment and pay the rent but I had nowhere to go. With tears in my eyes, I had to approach the landlords and explain that I had nothing to pay that month and that my husband had left me. I had to ask if I could transfer into a smaller apartment within the week. Luckily, they helped me find a more suitable and affordable apartment. My husband had said that I would need to figure out how to move my things into the new apartment (now 4 days away from giving birth) but instead had his girlfriend move my things while I cried on the sidewalk.

It has now been a little over 3 years since that day. Later that year, he quit his profession as an attorney (which he had maintained for 13 years) and decided to live out of his car. He moved from place to place with a drug addiction and selling drugs on the side to generate some income for himself (of course, untraceable income). He had been ordered to pay $1125 each month in child support, which he has not paid since December of 2006. We have been to court 7 times and are scheduled to go back again in October. The case has been continued 3 times this year and I have had to miss work each time to be turned away due to a "full docket". I have taken out credit cards to fill my gas tank, pay my utilities, my old attorney fees and to feed my children. My credit is now maxed out and all utilities are on the brink of disconnection. I owe the daycare almost $9K---I have been blessed with an extremely understanding daycare. My power was turned off a few weeks ago and is being threatened to disconnect once again. When I asked the judge at our last court date (last Tues. 7/22) what I was supposed to do when my utilities are turned off, after being told that our case would once again be continued, she said "if you cannot take care of your children, then maybe they could go live with him for a while?" I have been forced to represent myself (pro-se) in court now for the past year and 8 months as I am no longer financially able to hire an attorney.

I am a well-educated and hard-working woman. I work a full time job and hang on through my constant exhaustion in the hopes that maybe this next court date will be the one when justice is finally served. I love my children more than anything in this world and yet, I have found myself in a position where I cannot provide for them. I earn too much according to state law for any type of assistance other than Alabama Child Caring Foundation insurance for the kids (a God-send). Something has to be done. I will stand beside you and give my voice. You can reach me at yourshadeofpale@yahoo.com. Thank you for your strength and thank you for your determination.

Melanie

[oakhays]

i ama single mum with residece of my 2 year old son.my ex husband is a violent man with more convictions then imaginable.he has never paid a penny but is fighting for visitation rights.if i go for maintenance from him will it help his case to have contact?many thanks siancarey10@hotmail.co.uk

[gabimamas]

Hi everyone, I am a 27 year old single mother of one wonderful 9 year old little girl.
I work for the county in which I live in Silicon Valley California. My ex husband owes me over 149,000 and is currently ordered to pay me $717.00 a month because our daughter is a special needs child and though I have to pay over 1160 a month on her educational needs and 500 monthly on her medical needs, my ex husband after serving 70days in jail got a job working 58 hours a month.
Must be nice, I work that in a week.
Never the less, he was sent to jail for not paying and while serving his 70 days in jail he was of course not ordered to pay any child support infact our hard earned tax dollars were being spent to support him. Upon his release he was ordered to get a job within 90 days during which he was not ordered to pay any child support. On 06/30/08 we went to court where the order was made for his 750 a month and as of today 08/05/08 I have yet to receive a payment infact the child support division of this county did not even submit a wage with holding to his employer until 07/31/08 when I called her wondering why nothing was being done.
In California our govenator recently passed some very interesting laws, for a single mother and one child under the age of 18 you can receive a total of 862 a month in cash assistance from the county and 320 in food stamps, free medical coverage and dental and oh yeah braces are even covered under medical now. Before 07/01/08 you could only be on aid in California for a total of 2 years, but our wonderful Govenator just upgraded that to 5years.
My last pay period at work I received a 1017.71 bonus, but guess what I owed back taxes to CA which I was unaware of so when I got my check on Friday not only could I not afford to pay my 2050 a month rent but I also can not afford to live for the next two weeks before my next check pays tuition for the month and new school supplies.
I would be better of on aid, and I think that all of you would be as well. Why should we bust our asses at work all day, aging ourselves trying to give our children the best life possible when we can just sit around eating potatoe chips all day watching Jerry Springer. The way I see it, no more child care costs, no more stressing in the morning to get out of the house, no more court dates that cause us to miss work, no more of any of that.

I just cant see why we try so damned hard so that our political officials can smack us in the face.

Sure my ex was sent to jail, but my taxes payed for it. And sure I have a nice home and a great job but the government screwed me out of the tiny bit of relief I was to receive that I worked for all year long. I work at the county hospital.... I got spit at, bit, kicked, screamed at by my patients and on and on all year for that bonus and California rips me off. I pay for my daughter to go to private school so my taxes pay for other peoples childrens education not even mine.
My ex husband is a drug addict who spends his money supporting drug dealers whos main goal is to destroy all of our children while I am trying to help them and this is what the government does to hard working single american mothers..........


Please tell me I am not alone in this when I say that this is just wrong. Please someone tell me that I am justified in feeling angry and unappreciated and resentfull.

I dont believe that the attorney general, the district attorney or anyone else really gives a **** about us ladies. BUT YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT, I BET THEY WOULD CARE IF WE ALL WENT ON STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW MANY OF US DO YOU ALL THINK ARE OUT THERE, ACROSS THE ENTIRE US, HELL ALL OVER THE WORLD. WHAT IF WE STOPPED WORKING, WHAT IF WE ALL GOT TOGETHER AND SAID TO HELL WITH IT, WE'RE DONE.....
I BET YOU PEOPLE WOULD LISTEN THEN!!!!!


Problem is most of you reading this probably think I'm nuts and probably think" Well its a good idea but where would we live and how would I feed my kids and what will happen to us....." So until all of you begin to feel like me, like " you know what, **** IT!!!! Who cares it cant get much worse than this and maybe if nothing else men and women around the world will think twice before neglecting and rejecting their children, so why not?" No one is gonna listen cause no one cares.
We still go to work and we still pay taxes and we are still productive members of society so our struggles mean nothing to the powers that be.


It is so not fair, and it is very frusterating. But such is life! I tell my daughter that she should never vote and that our government is so overwhelmed with lobbiest and political gain that none of us matter so since we are forced into society why offer them any more of our time.
I guess it feels good being able to sit here and let out all my anger and maybe someone will read this and maybe someone will agree with me or even argue this with me, because essentially that means that at least one person is listening....... Either way I hope all the best in the world for all of you and if any of you have any ideas on how to make things different other that writting letters to crooked politicians please let me know.