My daughters Dad has been in and out of her life, but now wants custody! Please help

[klmccoy1985]

I have a 26 month old daughter. She has always resided with me, and her
father has been in and out of her life. Out for months at a time. He all
of a sudden wants to try to get custody because I dont let him take her by
himself anymore because I dont trust him or his friends, and I dont want our
daughter around them. I have no problem with him coming to my home to see
her or meeting him somewhere or him going to my parents house to see her.
He told me today that he talked to a lawyer who told him that because he was paying child support, which he only pays $174/month, but makes $18 an hour, and I am in the process of getting the payment per month increased, but he
said he was told that if I didnt willingly let him take her that he could
have a sheriff escort him to my place and they would take her. Which I
believed to be untrue, and my uncle who is a sheriff in a different county
said they wouldnt do that unless there was a parenting plan in place, which
there isnt. I talked to him tonight and he said when he had called to have a sheriff escort him over, that they said they would do it. I was curious if this is true. I dont believe it is. Also, what measures would I go about to get
supervised visits or what would you think a judge would do if we did go to
court? I have lots of rude text messages and voicemails from him, which I
know will help show his character. But it just worries me. I dont want my
daughter involved with the lifestyle his friends choose to live and I just
think he needs supervised visits for awhile until we can build some trust.
Although I still dont trust that he wont walk out on her. Because he tells
me he has changed and realizes what he has done and what he has missed out on and wants to be a part of our daughters life, and hes a great Dad for
awhile, but then he decides everything else is more important. I just dont
know what to do. He says he is filling out a parenting plan. Can I go fill
one out also?
It just makes me so mad. Hes been in and out of her life, and everything is more important. He bought her a package of diapers and a can of formula when she was first born, bought her a teddy bear for her first Valentines Day, nothing for her first Christmas, nothing for her 1st Birthday, nothing for that Christmas, but he did just buy her a little baby ring, which was beautiful, a black hills gold one for Wal Mart, the little cheap ones, but it is so pretty! Although she cant wear it, nor will she ever be able to. But she loves her Daddy, she absolutely adores him and shes to this age now where she knows hes not coming around much anymore, and she will sit there and cry and tell me how she wants to see her Daddy, and i will call him and he will say hes busy. He cant make time to even text me or call me once in awhile to ask how our daughter is doing.
Hes doing this all now, because I have a boyfriend who our daughter really likes, and hes very good with her, and I think my daughters father is intimidated.
Anyone else been through this?
I dont know what to do.
I have given him chances and he always screws it up, and I am sick of my daughter getting her heart broke by him!
Sorry this is so long!

[tbyte]

Without a parenting plan in place, the father has no rights to see the child.
However, most States have a "default visitation schedule", and you will need to CAREFULLY read your court orders to makes sure he was not granted default visitation at the time the child support orders were issued.
His chances of getting custody are virtually nill, so stop worrying about that. But, he can (and should) go to court to establish his parental rights, and if he can demonstrate that you have a history of denying him contact with his child he can use this to argue for parental greater parental rights.
I doubt that the police or sheriff will get involved with this. They may accompany him to prevent a domestic dispute occurring, but they cannot take the child from you without court orders. They would merely document the fact that you refused visitation, and advise him to file contempt of court charges against you.
The judge will likely not consider any of the e-mails or text messages you have, especially in light of your refusing him visitation. If you want to legally prevent him from taking his child for visitation, you will need to show conclusively that it would be detrimental to the child, and this is a (justifiably) difficult task.

Originally Posted by tbyte

Without a parenting plan in place, the father has no rights to see the child.
However, most States have a "default visitation schedule", and you will need to CAREFULLY read your court orders to makes sure he was not granted default visitation at the time the child support orders were issued.
His chances of getting custody are virtually nill, so stop worrying about that. But, he can (and should) go to court to establish his parental rights, and if he can demonstrate that you have a history of denying him contact with his child he can use this to argue for parental greater parental rights.
I doubt that the police or sheriff will get involved with this. They may accompany him to prevent a domestic dispute occurring, but they cannot take the child from you without court orders. They would merely document the fact that you refused visitation, and advise him to file contempt of court charges against you.
The judge will likely not consider any of the e-mails or text messages you have, especially in light of your refusing him visitation. If you want to legally prevent him from taking his child for visitation, you will need to show conclusively that it would be detrimental to the child, and this is a (justifiably) difficult task.

Thanks, but I am not being rude in denying him in taking our child somewhere.
I am merely stating that he has been in and out of her life, and it breaks her heart when he comes around and is actually a good Dad for a few weeks, then out of nowhere, doesnt call or show up or anything.
I am not saying I dont want him around, I am saying that I am sick of him walking out on her and I dont think he should be allowed the right to take her until he can prove that hes not going to quit walking out on her.
This is the 7th time in her life, and shes only 26 months, that he has walked out on her.
I love when he actually shows that he wants to be a part of her life, but its a continuing cycle, like hes stuck in some sort of rut, and he gets out and starts coming around, but then just gets stuck again and I dont think its right.
He spends all this money on cars and rims and material possessions but doesnt do anything for our daughter. I understand that love is more important than buying her things and stuff, but once in awhile it would be nice for him to buy her an outfit or something, and plus he doesnt even show he cares about her.

Oh, and in our child support paperwork, there is nothing about him having any sort of visitation or custody.
It just asks how often he sees her, and if its below 100 days of the year.

[klmccoy1985]

And those 2 last "unregistered" posts are me.
I didnt realize I wasnt logged in.

[klmccoy1985]

Would someone please help me out?
Anyone ever been in my situation or have some advice?

[tbyte]

What other questions do you have?

Originally Posted by klmccoy1985

Would someone please help me out?
Anyone ever been in my situation or have some advice?

I don't have any advice for you. I am in the same situation. Father of my daughter is in and out. Yet he takes care of a child that is not his. It is his girlfriends. He gets mad cause I don't let him see her without me present, but she doesn't know him. She is 2 and doesn't have a clue who he is. I don't know the florida laws here so I am stumped as well. Good Luck!

[klmccoy1985]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I don't have any advice for you. I am in the same situation. Father of my daughter is in and out. Yet he takes care of a child that is not his. It is his girlfriends. He gets mad cause I don't let him see her without me present, but she doesn't know him. She is 2 and doesn't have a clue who he is. I don't know the florida laws here so I am stumped as well. Good Luck!

Good luck to you too.
This is tough!

I live in Florida and I have been there, the same thing except I have a son. His dad was the same way. The exact same thing. I totally understand how you feel and your need to protect your child. But what I had to learn the hard way Is That It Is More Inportant For Your Daughter To Have A Relationship With Her Dad Then It Is For You To Protect Her From Being Hurt Or Abandoned By Him. It Is A Very Bitter Pill To Swallow but it is the best thing for them both. You have to be really tough on your ex though. Turn the tables on him! Have a visitation schedule made and when he starts the BS that he can't make it or whatever hold HIM in contempt. Thats the only way!