HELP- I WANT TO OBOLISH HIS PARENTAL RIGHTS

[Christina]

I met Bob in May 1995. At first our relationship was ok. At this time in my life I was 18 and I did try meth for the first time with Bob, I was working at the playground I had no children or anything and I did experiment with some things. I became pregnant in September of 1995 with my first child. This of course was a life changing event for me, I wanted to be a good mom and I wanted to raise a family with Bob. Soon into my pregnancy was when the abuse started with Bob, he was still using and I was not so we were no longer on the same page. The first incident I remember of abuse was getting in a argument with Bob and he hit me and I fell on the ground and then he was dragging me down the side walk by my hair, I was on my back. This did pass over, as with most abused women we always believe it won’t happen again, but it always does. I remember when I was in Everette Washington and Bob was punching me in the stomach and his mom just stood there and watched until she felt that I had enough. After Troy was born the abuse got worse, we would fight over drugs and women that he was sleeping with, on one incident he threw me to the ground and was kicking me in the side, on another he hit Troy so hard that he left welts on his hands and I did call the police and he went to jail. We were living in Baker city Oregon at this time. We then moved to Great Falls again and It was during Easter that Bob and I were fighting and he choked me so hard that it left bruises all the way around my neck, his father witnessed this. In May of 1997 I learned I was pregnant with Brandon. At this point I still cared for Bob, I did not look at him as an abuser, and I thought things could change. A month later into my pregnancy Bob disappeared for about 2 weeks, this was not unusual though. When he returned home he carried a whole mess of hikkies on his neck and brought home his girlfriend. For 2 days I slept on the couch with our 1 year old son while Bob and his girlfriend slept on our bed, I left and with a friend Roxanne I moved to Oregon for about 2 months and then to Chelan Washington where my dad lived. I found a job and an apartment for Troy and I and we did good. In November Bob contacted me and told me he needed help and he said he was hooked on crack. And me being 7 months Pregnant and a single mother of his kids, I rushed to Everette Washington and got him. He later told me after I got him home that him and his friends were busting into crack houses and shooting everyone and taking their drugs, I did not believe him. He went through horrible DTs and was very violent. When Brandon was born and I got home he freaked out and tried to take Brandon and Troy from me and said he was going back to Everette, I tried to stop him and he beat me up and kicked my legs in the shines repeatedly until I could not walk, as a matter of fact it took me awhile before my legs quit hurting. And of course as most abusers do they beg you to stay and you do. A couple of months later we had to move. I was still not back to work I was nursing our son, and Bob would not get a job, I don’t recall him ever getting a job this whole time in our relationship. Butte was not fun. Bob would leave and stay gone for a couple days at a time doing meth with his mom and his cousin Heather, I hated this time of my life, Bob would come home and accuse me of sleeping with people while he was gone and beat me up on numerous occasions for this. He would hit me for closing my eyes during sex saying I was thinking of someone else and if I did not want to have sex then I was cheating. It was in this time era that I began to plot a way to get away. Yes he was gone all the time, but I had no family and I was lost. I found out I was pregnant again only this time I lost the baby and I had to have a DNC. Bob went out that night with Brian on their motorcycles and they were gone long into the night, when Bob got home he had wrecked his bike and of course I was upset, I just had a DNC, Bob tore up the whole house and threw dishes, plants and many other things on the floor, breaking it all and he again beat me up for having a miscarriage. It was also this time that he put a razor blade to my throat and was going to make me have sex with him, he ejaculated all over himself, he later told me that scared him because it excited him, I also had 2 more children with him. But it is fair to say that most of our sexual experiences were not wanted, I just did not want to fight. On these incidences’ our children were present. I carried black eyes and bruises around my neck all the time, I had lumps on my head and also received bloody noses from Bob. While we were in Butte I went and got my GED, hoping to one day get a college education, I also worked at McDonalds for a couple of years and at the Best Western. Bob stayed home with the kids, and of course that was a mess. He gave our only vehicle away, so I walked from and to work, it was about 7 miles, and I was pregnant. Bob was still doing meth and on one occasion the kids told me that there dad and the neighbor girl was in the closet together, on another occasion Bob was not paying attention and Troy came up missing and the police were called, Troy was 5 and the police found him by a busy road by the high school, and the abuse continued. Bob would not get a job and he would take our food stamps and sell them and stay gone for hours, sometimes days. I would hear stories of him being with other women and then he would come home and accuse me of cheating. He also developed a habit of hitting the kids so hard in the head that he would put them on the floor and he also made them fight and encourage them to fight with other kids. In 2001 we came to visit his dad and Ramona in Great Falls, when we got here I told Bob I was not going to go back to Butte. I thought that if he was away from all the drugs he would stop doing them, but here he just developed another habit of drinking, and that also caused problems. When Bob speaks of it takes two to tango, he is right, but it was me trying to stop him from drinking and him beating me up for it, I was what he calls out of line. In 2001 I went to classes and earned a CNA certification and worked at Missouri River Manor for about 9 months and then went on to Benefis Healthcare. The abuse with Bob was still there. By this time I had not one ounce of love for Bob, all he wanted to do is party and of course he was not working so he took the kids all over with him. He would get drunk and scream and yell at the kids, I would step in and take my beating for the day. Once Bob punched me in the head above my left eye and I carried a huge lump and 2 black eyes for a month, I still have a slight lump. On another occasion we got a baby sitter and we all went out ( Jerry Ramona Lindsey Bob and I ) and when we got home Bob was hitting me and Lindsey stepped in and hit Bob in the face. On many occasions Bob and his dad would come home drunk and both Ramona and I were the subject of there abuse, Bob has also beat up his dad at least 4 times. The kids were present 99% of the time. On another occasion Bob was chasing Troy down the driveway at his dads shooting him with a bb gun, I got very upset about this so Bob trying to make me feel better proceeded to shoot himself in the scrotum about 10 times, leaving welts that turned into bruises. I also caught Bob doing meth again. At this time in our lives in when Bob really scared me and he would put guns to my head and tell me we were going to die together and he would terrorize me with this, as if he felt he was losing control, he knew I did not love him anymore. He would take me camping as if to trap me he would beat me up and if I tried to walk off he would come after me and choke me, he also would do this at home. If I told him I wanted a divorce he would choke me and kick and hit me, then cry and say he would never do this again. I was afraid for my children and I was afraid for myself. I worked various jobs, most of them as a cna and very often I found myself walking home from work at all hours of the night, I worked sometimes double shifts so I could support our family while Bob ran around and did nothing, my kids say he was often with other women. On one occasion he dropped me off at work and went to Butte, I did not know of this, when I got off work at 10:30 P.M. no one was there to pick me up and I walked home in a snow storm. Bob finally got home at 4 in the morning, I learned that he ran out of gas and he left the kids on the side of the highway in the car while he hitchhiked to get gas. I still do not know why he even went to Butte, and when I was upset about having to walk home I was “out of line” and usually it resulted in me “ getting in trouble”. I spent most of our marriage getting disciplined as if I were a child in front of my children, sometimes Bob would make the kids sit down and point out that there mother was a *****. I have many behavioral problems with my children as a result and the kids often speak to me as their father did. Bob was also abusive to his mom, dad and step parents. There was one occasion that Bob was charged and arrested for assaulting Ramona while he was intoxicated. Bob and I lived in a trailer court at 4727 2nd avenue north. I caught Bob down in the office with a minor named Jake Boon doing meth, we managed this trailer court. On one occasion Bob and I were arguing, Bob was drinking, he was putting a gun to my head and telling me we were going to die together, that he was going to shoot me then himself, I managed to get to a phone and I called 911, the cops did show up and they had Bob on his knees in the parking lot with their guns drawn on him. Bob told them he never hit me and he did not have a gun, they did not arrest him, but ordered him to leave the residence, after the cops left Bob returned home about 15 minutes later and continued to terrorize me with his threats and I got into trouble. Another time he chased me out of the house with a knife and slashed my tires as I was driving away, I called the police and nothing resulted of it. Another incident with Bob threatening to kill me with a gun I called the police and we lived in the Franklin School apartments, the cops came but Bob was already gone when they arrived I told them about the gun, it was a hand gun( a 44 ) but Bob took the gun with him. I went to a women’s shelter, but Bob took Troy from school so I went back to him. But back to the trailer court, Bob wanted to move to Wyoming, so I sent him to look for work. At first I had no plane to leave, but Bob would call me and scream at me my friend Art Liscumb went with Bob also and Art told me Bob was drinking very heavily and having sexual relations with other women, so I decided this was the time to leave. I was so scared that I was literally sick, I was afraid that he would catch me and even more afraid of what he would do to me if he found out. I put all of my things into storage and I left him. When he found out he came back, he wanted to talk but I knew better and I would not allow myself to be alone with him. I was so sick from fear that I did start drinking, this lasted for 5 months, I met Rance. I use to lay in bed just sick from fear, I was afraid Bob would come back and he would hurt me. At the time Bob came to try to talk to me, he took the 2 oldest boys and I did have contact with them for about a month, they were living in a motel and at this time I also found out that Bob took Jennifer to Butte and dropped her off to come here and he picked her up on the way back to Wyoming, I also learned she was pregnant with his child. I lost contact with the boys because they moved around so much. In May a dfs worker called me from Wyoming and told me the kids were not in school and asked if I knew were they were. And sadly to say I did not know. In August I received a call on my cell phone from Troy asking me to call him as soon as possible. When I called this number it was a neighbors number, but I did manage to get Jennifers number. Jennifer told me that Bob had left with the kids with some girl named Shandanei. She also told me horror stories of Bob and his abuse to her and the kids as well as his drug addiction to meth and all the moving around from state to state that Bob did with my kids. I also spoke with his mom in Butte, she told me he was there for about 2 months, she also told me of his drug addictions and that he would take the children with him on these deals. She told me that Bob was with numerous women and on one occasion he left with the kids to Idaho with some women, Bob himself later told me that he had done a drug deal and that it went wrong and there was some people who were going to kill him and the boys, Jennifer also confirmed this and told me she had to sell his truck to get him and the kids home so no harm would come to the kids. His mom and Jennifer also told me that Bob freaked out after being on drugs for so long and he threw all the kids things away in the dumpster and proceeded to hitchhike with the kids back to Wyoming. I called DFS in Wyoming and told them everything, they finally got in contact with Bob and he returned the kids, Shannon called to make sure they got home. When the kids returned I have been told by the kids many things about their time with Bob. Troy and Brandon told me that they lived in a camper for awhile everyone else lived in the house. Apparently the kids were caught playing nasty with Jennifers kids and they were forced to live in the camper as a result, also Troy told me his dad is always telling him he is old enough to get his dick wet and telling him he is going to take Troy to some strip club to get laid. Also the kids told me of Bob and Jennifer fighting and Brandon was hit with a set of keys and he was cut by flying glass from an ashtray. They also told me of women that they witnessed having sex with Bob and that one women was always naked in front of them. Brandon claims that one of these women was touching him while he was in the shower. Brandon and Troy tell me that Brandon used to cry for me and there dad would tell them I am no longer there mom. Brandon says he used to have nightmares. It was September 8th 2005 that Bob returned the kids,I remember this because his daughter was born on Bobbys birthday, and he had already dropped the kids off and on his way home. When he showed up he was high on meth and he had 2 other guys with him. It was at this time that Bob told me that he was heavy into meth. Later I learned from Troy that Bob was using needles in front of him. Troy told me that his dad put some crack into a s****, and put a lighter under it and sucked it up with a needle, he said Bob had a rubber piece around his arm and that needle had blood in it and he pushed it in his arm. Troy says this happened 2 times. He at some point also disclosed this to Christy Tompers, a DFS worker at the school. I did not hear from Bob again until December 2005, he moved here and was staying with his dad, Jennifer came shortly after. Bob only came to see the kids a few times and on occasion took the kids to his dads to spend the night, where Jerry and Bob were drinking and Bob was abusive to Jennifer, to me it was like seeing my own life with him only it was not me (thank god). Troy also told me that his dad was trying to get him to smoke pot while he was living with Jerry during this time, just a little information Bobs mom started smoking pot with him when he was 11 and she also was doing acid with him. Both Bob and his mom has told me this. One time jerry called me and told me that Bob and Jennifer tore his house up in a fight, and Jennifer ran Bob over with a car. In January 2006 I was finally able to get my divorce to Bob finalized and a parenting plan was drawn up, even though I did not like the parenting plan that Bob drew up I went with it I had no attorney and I have learned to avoid conflict with Bob at all costs, I am tired of being an adult and being punished as if I were a child. In February of 2006 I gave birth to mine and Rances son, Bob was required to sign a paper that the baby was not his, 3 weeks later he and Jennifer left to Kalispell. I did not hear again from Bob until September 3rd when he showed up and took the 3 youngest boys. I remember this date because the kids had just started school a couple days prior to this. He kept on calling me at work and I told him not to come, it was my time to have the kids, he did not show for his time during the summer, but he took them anyway. Both Rance and I were both intimidated, he told the kids he lost his nipple ring from ****ing her so hard, when I asked him not to speak that way to the children, he told me they are men not women. After he took the kids I had some contact off and on. Jerry went to Minot to stay with Bob. He told me it was horrible there, the kids were being abused. Jennifer told me that Bob hit Bobby so hard in the stomach and he hit the floor and turned blue, she said that Bob was calling him a ***** and was going to kick him when she intervened. She also told me of an incident of her own son wanting a drink of Gatorade and that Bob threw him on the floor and shoved the bottle of Gatorade down this little boys throat and choking him with it, he was only 4. Jerry told me that Christmastime was a big fight mixed with alcohol, and the kids tell me they did not get Christmas until the next day. Jerry told me Bob beat him up and Jennifer was throwing ashtrays and things in that manner, the kids also say this is true. I had no address and I did not know where the kids went to school. I was told that I was not allowed to call anymore, so I called the school administrator and I was told I could not have any information without proof that I was the kids mom. So I faxed my parenting plan and birth certificates and my ID to the school. I also called the police station and they knew Bob and Jennifer, they had been called to the house a couple of times. Bob called me on January 21st 2007, I remember this date because of Timmys birthday, I had baked a cake on his birthday and I froze it and saved it because he was not here, we had his cake when he returned home unexpectedly, I say this because Bob called and told me I had to come and get the kids because he could not take care of them. I left my home at around 3:00 on the 21st of January, I arrived in Minot at 5;30am, Bil, Rances dad drove me. When we arrived in Minot I found his house from the address of the school, we drove around until we found there car. I did this so he could not change his mind and we arrived at 6:30am. When we arrived Bob told Jennifer to get her ass out of bed, he was yelling and calling me a ****, and he told the kids now I have 2 ****s your mom and Jennifer. He was ranting and I felt once again in fear, he wanted Bill and I to go shooting with him. Bill was also very uncomfortable and he started to load up the car, when we got in the car and drove away Bob was in the driveway punching out the windows in his cars. I did not hear from Bob again until November 2007. He told me I am lucky my body has not been found in a ditch somewhere, his mom or dad had not heard from him either and thought he was dead because Jennifers step dad had stabbed Bob befor a year or so befor. As a matter of fact I accidently called him, he happened to be at a number that his mom gave me because she was in hysterics and I called a number for her, he happened to be sitting there. He never asked to talk to the kids, but continued to call me and harass me so for the first time ever I changed my number in December 2007. In March 2008 Bob called me, and he did ask to speak to the kids and I let him, he and Jennifer had me convinced things had changed, almost. Untill Bob called me and was yelling at me because Jennifer and I were talking, and Jennifer got in trouble for it, a week later he was in jail, he had grabbed the wheel of the car and tried to crash Jennifer into oncoming traffic, and then proceeded to hit her in the face with a beer bottle. Then at this point Jennifer opened up to me and told me she was tired of carrying bruises on her body from Bob beating her, she also said that Bob was abusive both physically and mentally to her and her to kids. Jennifers oldest son lives with his grandma, I asked Jennifer the details as to why. Jennifer stated that Bob beat her son in front of her mom and her mother called the police, the police removed the child for a couple of days and her mom told her if she did not let Christopher live with her she would call DFS, SO THAT IS THE REASON Jennifer does not have her son, BECAUSE OF BOBS ABUSE.. Jennifer said Bob had a nasty habit of hitting her kids in the head and telling them they are fat pigs. Jennifer said Bob hit Christopher so hard in the head that his legs started shaking and hit the floor. I believe her because I have seen Bob hit my kids so hard that he has knocked them across the room, Brandon said his dad threw him across the room into a chair because Bob used a pressure point on his neck and hurt him and he said he fought back. When Bob says I have the kids from him he is a liar, this is the only time I have stood up and protected my children since we split up, I have been with Rance at the same address and the same # for over 3 years, he is the one who has been to caught up in drugs and alcohol to call his kids. Jennifer told me he has had a calling card and a cell phone, he chose not to call. I have not seen Bob until May 27th 2008. And yes I changed my number in December 2007, only because he harasses me. I have also been told by Jennifer that Bob has plotted to shoot me in the face, and she says this conversation has occurred both when Bob is sober, and intoxicated, she also claims that Bob makes these comments when he is beating her, her oldest son who is only 10 called me one night and told me that Bob has said this many times, including the last time he abused Jennifer, when he went to jail. Jennifer claims that Bob has said this in front of the kids, when I asked my kids they confirmed it, Troy and Brandon claim that Jennifer was telling Bob to go ahead and kill that ****. Jennifer also claims that while the 3 youngest boys were in Minot that she was trying to leave and he smashed the windshield out with the kids in the front seat. I see my life in Jennifers, I know what she means obout just being tired of having her butte kicked, Bob has always said a women needs her weekly beating, and I received my fair share of these, as well as my kids who have severe behavioral problems, and Troy has depression issues. The kids have seen enough and Bob has hit them enough, and Troy says he feels uncomfortable when his dad speaks to him in a sexual manner about needing to get layed. When Bon speaks of meth being all over on plates this is true, but it was in 1995, I had no children and I was young and dumb, I did try it but I was not it as Bob puts it for one I was working at Eddies Supper Club, and Bob and his mom and his friends Doug and Ryan and Jessica were all hanging out. I also left Bob for a couple weeks as a result of all this and when I was gone he drove all the way to Washington high trying to talk me into coming home, I did not go with him, but a week or so later I became homesick and went back to Great Falls, when I returned home everyone was still there, but things had mellowed a little bit. I found out I was Pregnant with Troy a couple months later. I also remember when we lived in the trailer court in 2004, Jerry gave Bob his rifle and the shells for it, Bob took this gun home Bob and I were not very happy together I wanted to leave and he knew this, so when he took that gun home, I stayed at Jerries. About an hour later Jerry went to our house up the road and Bob was sitting there with a gun to his head and the shells to the rifle were laying all over the place. Jennifer told me that Bob was also putting guns in his mouth in front of the kids and saying he was going to kill himself, she said the gun was loaded. Bob has put guns to his own head numerous times in front of me, he has done this in front of Jennifer and the kids and his mom also claims he was suicidal and had a gun to his head for 3 hours just recently. I am afraid to have to deal with Bob ever again, and I am afraid he would harm himself in front of the children or harm the children, or even both. He has threatened to kill me then himself so what is to say he would not kill my children to hurt me. My father in Washington also has caught Bob with pot in his home, he was very angry and made Bob throw it in the river by his house, my father and mother are foster parents and my mom is a school teacher/ counselor/ and also worked for DFS. My father works for the fish hatchery.

[Christina]

This is the exact statement that I have written for court if I ever get there, my husband now wants to adopt the kids, but I hear that parental rights are very protected and I am so stressed and scared, I dont know where to turn!!! Oh and I did not mean to post this 3 times, I accidently pushed the button to many times. I just dont know though if I even have a chance, the justice court gave me and my family a 50 day restraining order, to give me time to do something.

[Christina]

to much info?

[tbyte]

I can pretty much guarantee you the court isn't going to read all of that.

[Christina]

I wrote all this for my attorney it also included the many witnesses names phone numbers and addresses. I am trying to build my case. But regardless of what a freak he is, do I have a chance is my question? Based on the facts I provided can I win?

[tbyte]

I didn't read it, and I'd suspect your attorney isn't going to read it either.
Writing this narrative may have been cathartic, but I, your attorney, and the courts, are more interested in facts than a story.
Please post your question directly and succinctly.

[annjd]

I am not sure i read every sentence but you can organize these problems into a document and file in court. He may get counseling, supervised visits or be blocked from visitation.

Given the tension existing it may help to have legal counsel assist, it is worth the cost.

But you can proceed without counsel if need be.

See your other post too

[Littleacres]

depending on the degree of violence and whether or not there is any proof of his violence, ie....an assault charge or any prevoius criminal charges. Even then the ex can get supervised visitation. i know this because that is what my ex recieved.......even though he had an assault charge against me and 3 prevoius assault charges against women. My best advice for you is to try your best to control your emotin, although i know it will be hard., just keep your head held high and breath, when that football gets stuck in your chest stop and take a deep ole breath.
cheers

[angel1964]

I am sorry I think you and him should have no parental rights. This is the most digusting case of child abuse and neglect I have heard of. Let the bastard kill himself. You are a sick woman for staying with him and dealing with his family too. They are just as sick as he is and you are an enabler. How could you endager your children by going back to him so many times? I was in an abusive relationship for a few years and I finally said to him, you ever hit me again and I ma gone. Well a couple years went by and all was good. He hit me again. I got a restraining order and filed for divorce. I had 3 small kids and there well being and safety and sanity meant everything to me. Your kids must be so messed up because of this. I feel so sorry for them. You better get them some help. There is always ways to get away from an abuser. And no he isnt going to change no matter what you think or what he tells you. Oh my god I cant believe you let this go on for so long. This is disgusting. You also need help. To let your kids go though this abuse is totally uncalled for and your jsut as much to balme as he is.