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Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

This is a discussion on Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM within the Child Custody & Support forum, part of the FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY category; My son's father has never been in our lives. While I was pregnant he was thrown in prison for selling ...

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Old May 27th, 2008, 05:52 PM   #1
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Unhappy Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

My son's father has never been in our lives. While I was pregnant he was thrown in prison for selling drugs and violating parole. It was wrong of me to be with him because even though I did not know of his actions, his car and lifestyle should have been enough for me to stay away. I will try to keep this short. I got on TANF when my son was just a few months old. I hadn't realized at the time what I was getting into. They pursue the father for child support. Now he wants to be in our lives if he has to pay, but if not he would rather us just drop the child support. I have made a good life for my son and I and I would hate for his father to come in and turn him into a criminal. Unfortunitely, that is the kind of man he is. So now I would like to not only drop the child support case, but most importantely petition the court to terminate his parental rights. I am in New Mexico and I don't know where to begin. I haven't found such a document where he can just sign over his rights (which is what he would like to do). I will also lose my TANF by doing this, but I feel it is all worth it to raise my son right. I receive financial aid which will now replace the TANF, and I am half way through school. Do I file for sole custody first, then bring up the motion to terminate parental rights? In what order do I terminate parental rights? He is in Texas.

Thank you to anyone who can help.

By the way, child support has not been ordered yet. I think it will be ordered at the hearing on June 4th. Unless, I can drop the child support before then.

Maybe this could also be important. I am seeing someone. In the future, not that we are getting married yet or anything, we have discussed him adopting my son, and changing both our names to his last name. How could this affect what I want to do. Could it make things worse, or help?

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Old May 27th, 2008, 07:12 PM   #2
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Default Re: Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

You probably cannot terminate his rights, unless he agrees to it. And you have to understand that this does not relieve him of financial responsibility for the child in the eyes of the court. Should you at some later time seek financial support from the State, they would go after him for compensation.
Quite honestly, though, I doubt that he is going to be a part of your child's life anyway, whether he is paying child support or not. Being a father requires a level of responsibility which is probably beyond this man. He may be stating that he wants to be a part of his child's life through good intentions, or perhaps he knows that he can use this to get you to agree to give in to him, but regardless, I doubt that he has the self-discipline necessary to follow through.
Plus, if he does become a danger to the child you would then be able to petition the court to limit or terminate visitation.
I would not deny my child financial support, from him or from the State, over your concerns about this.
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Old May 27th, 2008, 07:43 PM   #3
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Confused Re: Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

At a court hearing where child support could, and probably will be ordered, at the beginning of his release, can he ask for visitation rights for himself at the prison and for his mom and sister? Also, does his name have to go on the birth certificate?
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Old May 27th, 2008, 11:04 PM   #4
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Default Re: Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

He can ask for anything, but that does not mean he will get it.
His name can, and should, go on the birth certificate. It is a genealogical record.
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Old May 29th, 2008, 08:03 PM   #5
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Default Re: Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dmontano6 View Post
My son's father has never been in our lives. While I was pregnant he was thrown in prison for selling drugs and violating parole. It was wrong of me to be with him because even though I did not know of his actions, his car and lifestyle should have been enough for me to stay away. I will try to keep this short. I got on TANF when my son was just a few months old. I hadn't realized at the time what I was getting into. They pursue the father for child support. Now he wants to be in our lives if he has to pay, but if not he would rather us just drop the child support. I have made a good life for my son and I and I would hate for his father to come in and turn him into a criminal. Unfortunitely, that is the kind of man he is. So now I would like to not only drop the child support case, but most importantely petition the court to terminate his parental rights. I am in New Mexico and I don't know where to begin. I haven't found such a document where he can just sign over his rights (which is what he would like to do). I will also lose my TANF by doing this, but I feel it is all worth it to raise my son right. I receive financial aid which will now replace the TANF, and I am half way through school. Do I file for sole custody first, then bring up the motion to terminate parental rights? In what order do I terminate parental rights? He is in Texas.

Thank you to anyone who can help.

By the way, child support has not been ordered yet. I think it will be ordered at the hearing on June 4th. Unless, I can drop the child support before then.

Maybe this could also be important. I am seeing someone. In the future, not that we are getting married yet or anything, we have discussed him adopting my son, and changing both our names to his last name. How could this affect what I want to do. Could it make things worse, or help?
I understand how you feel, even though my situation is different, I think in most cases the other parent should have the right to be a part of the childs life. But I also think the courts should really think about the besr intrest of the child and how will it effect the child? Just because someone made a child it does not make them a parent, I am remarried and my spouse is the best father to my children, where my ex did a lot of horrible things. Get an attorney if you feel that this situation is going to be detrimental to your child.
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Old Mar 25th, 2009, 10:39 AM   #6
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Default Re: Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

I am dealing with the same situation in regards to wanting to terminate my son's biological father (who is incarcerated). I live in the state of Texas and actually work for an attorney. I married my ex husband when I was 18 years old and pregnant with our son while he was incarcerated. He was then sentenced to 12.5 years in a federal prison. I was young and not only allowed myself to go to a federal prison but my son as well for 4 yrs until I realize this man would never change. I then divorced him two years ago and have not once gone to visit him since. However, he parents (my son's grandparents) have taken my son every week to go see his father. I honestly believed at the time it was good for my son to know who his father was. I never wanted to deny either of them that right. My son is now almost six and has addressed the issue of going down there every weekend to prison and states that he is unhappy with it and does not want to go. I asked my son why he did not explain this to his grandparents and he said it would upset them. I promised my son I would not tell them he said anything to me regarding it. But that I would tell them I was no longer allowing it, that way my son was not brought into it. When I did, all hell broke lose and now they are threating me and stating that they are going to take me to court.The figure that this man that has never changed a diaper or changed his clothes or bathed him or provided for him should have just as much legal rights to my son as I do. This man has been in jail for seven years and has not be involved in my sons every day life (other then two hours a week) should be allowed visitation. My son does not want to go and now I am going to have to fight for him. If anyone has any advice in regards to this I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks
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Old Mar 27th, 2009, 10:59 AM   #7
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I am dealing with the same situation in regards to wanting to terminate my son's biological father (who is incarcerated). I live in the state of Texas and actually work for an attorney. I married my ex husband when I was 18 years old and pregnant with our son while he was incarcerated. He was then sentenced to 12.5 years in a federal prison. I was young and not only allowed myself to go to a federal prison but my son as well for 4 yrs until I realize this man would never change. I then divorced him two years ago and have not once gone to visit him since. However, he parents (my son's grandparents) have taken my son every week to go see his father. I honestly believed at the time it was good for my son to know who his father was. I never wanted to deny either of them that right. My son is now almost six and has addressed the issue of going down there every weekend to prison and states that he is unhappy with it and does not want to go. I asked my son why he did not explain this to his grandparents and he said it would upset them. I promised my son I would not tell them he said anything to me regarding it. But that I would tell them I was no longer allowing it, that way my son was not brought into it. When I did, all hell broke lose and now they are threating me and stating that they are going to take me to court.The figure that this man that has never changed a diaper or changed his clothes or bathed him or provided for him should have just as much legal rights to my son as I do. This man has been in jail for seven years and has not be involved in my sons every day life (other then two hours a week) should be allowed visitation. My son does not want to go and now I am going to have to fight for him. If anyone has any advice in regards to this I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks

HEY I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM BUT LISTEN YOU SHOULD HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, YOU SEE WHILE IN PRISON A PARENT HAS NO RIGHTS WHATSOEVER! I HAVE BEEN THRU WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU AND MY EX HAS BEEN IN STATE PRISON FOR 2 YEARS NOT COUNTING THE 6 MONTHS HE SPENT IN THE LOCAL JAIL HERE WHERE I DID THE SAME I TOOK BOTH MY KIDS EVERY WEEKEND TO VISIT THEIR FATHER LOOKING AT IT THE SAME WAY, THE DIFFERENCE IS I WAS MARRIED TO HIM FOR 12 YEARS, WE HAVE 2 KIDS TOGETHER AND I DIVORCED HIM WHILE OUR KIDS WERE AGES 4 & 9, I LOOKED AT IT THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD LESSON FOR MY KIDS, THEY COULD STILL KNOW THEIR DAD, ALL OF THAT.
FINALLY I DECIDED ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IT WAS MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A BAD MOM FOR PLACING MY KIDS IN THAT ENVIRONMENT SO I WAS NO BETTER THAN HIM AND I STOPPED TAKING THEM AFTER TALKING TO THEM ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS TOWARDS IT.
NOW AFTER HIM BEING COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS KIDS LIVES FOR 2 YEARS (NOT EVEN LAYING EYES ON THEM), 4 CARDS AND 2 LETTERS DURING ALL THIS TIME, OVER 20,000 BEHIND ON CHILD SUPPORT, 1 PHONE CALL IN 4 MONTHS TO HIS KIDS, NO HELP FROM HIS FAMILY OR NOTHING I WAS THE SOLE SUPPORTER WITH SOLE CUSTODY. THEN I GOT FACED WITH THE SAME ISSUE AS YOU, HIS PARENTS (WHO ARE DIVORCED ALSO) THREATENED ME ALSO NOT TO MENTION HE WAS DOING WHAT HE COULD FROM PRISON. THEY TRIED TO TAKE MY KIDS FROM ME ALSO.
I COULDN'T AFFORD A LAWYER, THEY DID BUT I WENT IN AND REPRESENTED MYSELF FOR MY KIDS AND TOLD THE JUDGE HOW IT WAS AND STRAIGHT OUT ASKED THE JUDGE IF JAIL OR PRISON WAS A PLACE FOR A CHILD TO HAVE TO GO TO JUST TO SEE THEIR OTHER PARENT WHEN THERE IS NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER. THE JUDGE AWARDED EVERYTHING IN MY FAVOR AND REMINDED HIS PARENTS AND A LETTER TO HIM THAT A PARENT IN PRISON IS AUTOMATICALLY STRIPPED OF THEIR RIGHTS WHILE BEING INCARACED. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RECEIVE PHONE CALLS (WHICH YOU YOURSELF HAVE TO PAY FOR) ALL YOU DO HAVE TO RECIEVE IS MAIL TO YOUR KIDS.
SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, LET THEM THREATEN YOU ALL THEY WANT TO, YOU GO IN AND FIGHT FOR YOUR SON'S FEELINGS AND YOU POINT OUT THAT THIS GUY HAS ONLY BEEN IN HIS LIFE FROM BEHIND BARS, AND ASK THE JUDGE HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR SON.
HANG IN THERE, HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH AND KEEP UP THE GOOD OUTLOOK FOR YOUR SON.
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Old Mar 29th, 2009, 08:26 AM   #8
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Default Re: Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

make sure you change the name legally
i have had SO much trouble in the past year (as i have just turned 18) because my mother changed my name 4 times during my 18 years, none of which were done by Deed-Poll.... so i have names all over the place, in fact, i was even sent 3 "enroll to vote" forms from the government under 3 different names, as they must believe that i exist as three different people.
so.
if you're going to change your kid's name
PLEASE do it legally
cause it causes SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much trouble which is simply unneccessary in a kid's life
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Old May 24th, 2010, 02:12 AM   #9
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Default Re: Terminating parental rights of incarcerated father in Albuquerque, NM

Mija in a way u just answered ur own question. Ur son isunhappy visiting his father in prison and the only thing enforcing the visit will do is cause resentment from ur son towards u. If
the fathers only interest in his son is selfish then its best ehild b allowew decide 4
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