modify child custody

My divorce was final 2 weeks ago. How long do I have to wait to modify a child custody order? Since the divorce my kids are slacking in school, have an "i could care less" attitude about everything and seem to be very nasty and mean to me everytime they come back home after spending their week with their dad. They disrespect me when they come back and are starting to act like they dont want to be here with me because life is more relaxed and easier with him. He never promotes the importance of doing well in school and always let the kids run the show when they are with him. I feel it is now rubbing off on the kids nasty attitude toward me lately. I would like the custody arrangement modified to where they would spend the school week with me to keep them more focused and structured instead of having all the distractions of when they are with him half the week during school. I am tired of them coming back here mid week with 3 or 4 missed assignments that i have to help them catch up on because he feels his time with them should be spent having fun and they can just catch up on school work when they are with me.

[tbyte]

You would have to show that there has been a significant change in circumstances before you could argue for a change in custody or visitation.
It is almost time for summer break, when you children will not be in school with the pressure of getting their homework and assignments done. Use this time to reestablish your relationship with your children.

this angers me. just because i dont bribe them with things like he does and they would rather spend more time with the parent who doesnt discipline, lets them run the show and doesnt make them do homework now i have to re-establish my relationship with my kids? im the only one looking out for their best interest here and hes just trying to get them away from me to get out of paying support. i really have to wonder what is truly wrong with our court system these days if they are this blind to this.

I completely understand your frustration. My ex started putting my kids on a pedistol once I filed for divorce. He had to prove he was the better parent. They started being able to call him whenever, even after they'd go to bed with me. He didn't make them have a bedtime anymore and many other things along this line. He would tell them how lonely he was when they weren't with him. He put so much on their shoulders that especially the youngest felt guilty if she didn't call him that night to say prayers because "daddy cries when I'm not with him because he is lonely..." He really kicked in the emotional manipulation and hasn't stopped. It has gotten worse, I'm sorry to say. My kids are 10 and 16 now. My oldest has seen through a majority of things, but she still tries to maipulate things her way...All I can say to you is to TAKE THE HIGH ROAD AT ALL TIMES!. It isn't easy at all, but when they are older, the kids can look back and reflect on how things went, and I want my kids to be able to say good things about my actions and words during these very difficult times. They already can't say that about him and his new wife with four more kids. She is worse than him and fules his mishap with me even more. Divorce never really makes things easier, just different.

Good luck and hang in there. Be the bigger person and don't let the kids see how much your ex is really getting to you, and I know he is. There isn't any way around it, but like a duck's back, let it roll off and pick your battles!

Jennifer

[loved08]

hey so this sucks too. i say if you're feeling its making such a huge difference in your house then YES go to court! it doesn't matter if theres one day or one century btw divorce & a new date for court....take him. if its affecting your kids school court is going to look VERY bad on him for this. and also you NEED to take them to a psychologist SOON!! make them go once or 2xs a week for as long as you can. & take their results to court. have the judge read them & how he's affecting them. i've learned even dss won't do anything w/o a psychologist report. their all *******s if you ask me. our system is the biggest failure when it comes to common sense and true justice for our children. if he's a ****ty dad who cares if he laid down w/ you. he's just a sperm doner in my opinion. just like the mom who's ****ty that means she just provided the egg...not a motherhood. bastards.

HELLO...?!
Of course they are going to be acting out...I'm sure they hate going back and forth. It is very unfair to them. Their whole life has been turned upside down...all of it has been out of their control. They are acting out because they are probably very sad, disappointed, blaming themselves...etc. Kids go through all sorts of emotions.
Please consider counseling for them- I'm sure they have a lot they would like to get off their chest; and it's not the same talking to mom or dad. They need a professional.