Deny visitation until after hearing?

[tobyt]

My child's father, who recently moved out of our shared home while I was at work and left me in a very bad situation bill-wise, has filed for custody of our daughter and child support. Since he moved out, he has requested to visit with our daughter almost every of the week. I have agreed to about 80% of the visits, and only denied one if it conflicted with plans that were already made or if he wanted to visit her after her bedtime.

I am worried that since he has filed for custody that any visitation until the hearing could be a chance for him to take our daughter and keep her until the hearing.

Our daughter is very scared of her father, and every time she sees him she immediately breaks into tears and runs to me screaming "Mommy Mommy Mommy!!!" I literally have to pry her off of me and hand her to him and leave. This kills me! It's not necessarily separation anxiety because she doesn't do this with her grandmother or when she goes to child care, which she started when he left us. It's only when she sees him.

While there isn't any legal visitation set up yet, should I deny his visitation requests until the hearing that's next week? I know that it looks bad if the mother doesn't let the father see the child, but he *is* trying to take her out of a good, safe home and into a crazy, dirty, unstable (mentally) one for no reason other than to get back at me for something I may or may not have done.

[Littleacres]

You can, but better have some solid proof that he is a dead beat dad when you get to court. Like a past criminal record, emails or recorded phone calls suggesting violence or threats to you or your child. Otherwise it will just look like you are unrightfully trying to keep the child from the father. Why is it the you don't want the child to visit the father until after the hearing???

[Littleacres]

And most likley the reason you have to pry her off of you is because she feels your stress and fear 9 even if you are not saying anything children still feel your emotions), so she becomes fearful and stressed when the father comes to pick her up

[tbyte]

I assume that you were never married, and that you have full custody of your daughter?
I would not deny visitation out of fear that he would not return her. Were he to do so, you could have him arrested, and he would ruin any chances he had of getting visitation from the courts.
If the child is fearful of contact with the father, then that is a different story. Has your daughter talked about why she does not want visits with her father?

[tobyt]

Originally Posted by tbyte

I assume that you were never married, and that you have full custody of your daughter?
I would not deny visitation out of fear that he would not return her. Were he to do so, you could have him arrested, and he would ruin any chances he had of getting visitation from the courts.
If the child is fearful of contact with the father, then that is a different story. Has your daughter talked about why she does not want visits with her father?

No, we were never married, and until the hearing next week, there isn't any formal custody or visitation schedule. I cannot have him arrested if he takes her because until there is a ruling as to who is supposed to have her and when, the police won't do anything.

My daughter is 2 so she doesn't exactly have conversations with me on the subject. I can only assume it's because she was forced to see him move out and she's scared that she might be next. Also, he only spent about 8 hours a week with her when he lived in the home, so there's really not much attachment there to begin with.

[tobyt]

Originally Posted by Littleacres

And most likley the reason you have to pry her off of you is because she feels your stress and fear 9 even if you are not saying anything children still feel your emotions), so she becomes fearful and stressed when the father comes to pick her up

actually, i go to great lengths to try and talk her father up before his visits. I tell her how much he loves her and is coming to visit because he wants to see her. I ask her if she's excited that she gets to play with Daddy.

While I have my own opinions on him as a person and a father, it's not my place to try and sway her opinion of him, so I never speak ill of him in front of her, and act pleased as punch to see him on visits to try and put her at ease.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by tobyt

No, we were never married, and until the hearing next week, there isn't any formal custody or visitation schedule. I cannot have him arrested if he takes her because until there is a ruling as to who is supposed to have her and when, the police won't do anything.

In Ohio, the mother of a child born out of wedlock has full and total custody by default, and the father has no rights to visitation until granted by a court. I would think that your State would have similar laws.