child support, custody

[lisag]

hi hopefully someone can help us w/this. my sig other who is the father of my children well him & his wife have been seperated for about 5 yrs now it was on & off again thing at the end somehow as i wasnt there her parents took them to court several times after a while the childrens father just couldnt afford it & the grandparents were awarded temporary custody. both him & his soon to be ex were court ordered to pay support. they were also given visitation. we ended up having to move due to some unfortunate events in which we were almost homeless & no where to go so we moved to my hometown in iowa . we were in virgina. he did get behind on support a bit we have been gone now for 2 1/2 years . before our move we had a very hard time getting visitation w/ the children . the mom the entire time has not worked she rarely visits the children unless she wants something from her parents. She has recently had another child w/ a 21 yr old & she is 36. he was just served w/court papers to attend this month for amendment in child support. he has no problem if they meed more $$ but they never ask& its not even really the issue. what about the mom. why is no one going after her for not paying anything at all. we want to get custody of them & the children have expressed their wishes to be with us & they are very aware of the circumstances that happened & why he is not there. the grandparents are about 80 years old & the children have told us at end of school they are moving to tennessee. so 1.)how do we find out if mom is paying support 2.) is there anything that can be done b4 they move them to another state & are they allowed to do that 3.) due to miscommunication w/ the ex as she has stated sev times she was going down to file for divorce & has yet to do so he is doing it soon but as she will not give anyone her whereabouts not even her parents there is no where to serve her so we know we will have 2 run an add but can he include in divorce he wants sole custody ( we know he will still need get temp custody handled through the grandparents & the courts ) but from the looks of it mom does not want get her stuff together to get them . is there anyway of doing this ourselves i know this will hard as we are out of state but he misses his children dearly & we would love them to be with us as well as want to be there for their future