ALL MOTHER MUST READ!!!

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Both the mother and the father need to have rights to the child. The child needs to be the first concern. I will say that 99.9% of the time you hear about dead beat dads. Believe me there are dead beat moms too.

My son has full custody of my granddaughter. She never wanted this beautiful little girl. She said on more than one occassion that if she could have came up with the money she would have gotten an abortion. She also told people when her grandma asked her what she wanted for Christmas she said "a kick in the stomach and a push down the stairs." My son and her got married and tried to make it work. He or I had the baby more than she did, he would work nights and come home and stay up most of the day with the baby. She did not work. They lived with us and she did not even help around the house. I woke up one night to my granddaughter screaming and found her in the pack and play in her car seat. "Mom" was sound alseep in theri room.

She decided my son's best friend was better so my son told her to leave. The baby stayed with him. They went to court for the divorce and the judge got upset because every time she asked her when and how much she wanted the baby she would not answer her. She was given some visitation and ordered to pay support. They ordered an guardian ad litem and she stated that the baby was better off with Dad. When the visitation was set down she actually asked for less.

She has not seen her daughter since June 19, 2006 and is over $7000 behind in child support. This is do to her. I am not sure that my granddaugher would even reconize her and I know if she saw her daughter out she would not reconize her.

I know there are a lot of dead beat dads my brother was one of them. There are "mothers" that are the same. The sad part is no one knows where she is or how to get in contact with her.

I believ that a child needs two parents but what can you do if one does not want to be a parent? I am proud of my son, he was a wild one until he found out that he was going to be a Daddy. He is a very good Daddy, he would die for her.

Great post, and 100% true. Just in case anyone didn't get my point.. I am NOT labeling ALL women with my initial post. Just those who fit the description.
Also, regarding your story above, there is another type of woman that despise... The type who doesn't even really want the kid but fights for custody just to get the support money. My son's ex fits this bill to a tee and even admits it.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

The family courts are not biased to mothers and sometimes these days bend over backwards to try to appear equal for fathers.

ROTFLMFAO... are you a professional comedian or just an internet comedian?

Originally Posted by momintrouble

papajohn, i can understnd your frustration and even though you and i havent seen eye to eye in the past, i have to say something. I think that the reason most of the posts are "slamming" the dad is because women tend to go to the internet or help/support or to look for information more than men. there are alot of men on here but i think if you were to see the ratio of men:women, there would be more women. that would explain for the number of posts from them.
I went through the members list of people that have posted more than once(it took a while too) and there were a greater number of women.( i omly counted the ones that i was sure of the gender)
I understand your frustration and wish that my x cared for his kids as much as you do. you are very caring and i have really listened to your advise. thanks.
you too tbyte!

Thanks mom... I know I come off harsh some times but it comes from being jaded due to treatment form not only mothers but also the court system and also child protective services here in Canada. I watched my brother go through it and get shafted and now because of it his oldest so has turned into a drug dealing, violent thug who stole $1500, a VCR, a DVD player, several CDs, and a bunch of food from my mother and brother on his last visit to their home. My mother is retired and on a pension and was devastated by this theft as it left her to get a loan to pay her rent and utilities and buy more food (of course my brother helped her seeing as he lives with her but they still needed the loan to cover things before they got disconnected or evicted). My brother busts his butt as a drywaller and works horrendous hours to make ends meet. He has tried to be a part of his son's life but is denied by his ex and the courts do nothing about it. The mother is one of these ones who didn't even want the child but wanted the support money. When the support money and welfare wasn't enough for her she taught her son to deal drugs and rob people and stores.
I also saw this happen with a cousin... his two kids were being abused by the mother and he showed evidence in court but the mother still got custody. Last year she beat both kids to death with a baseball bat.
And now I am going through it with my son...

I just wonder when society and the courts are going tom open their eyes and see that just because a parent has breasts doesn't mean they are a better parent. In Canada the Charter of Rights and the Family Law Rules both states that men and women shall be deemed equal in the eyes of the court regarding child custody issues.... but it seems that the Canadian courts haven't read these sections of these documents yet.

[PapaJohn]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

wow .. a bit hostile are we? I cant speak for anyone else, but my children's so called father was ready to sell them out just to get out of paying support. Since he hadnt provided for them financially all through the marriage he figured why start now? i realize it isnt how much money you have that makes a parent a good parent but what kind of example are you setting to your child if you keep sending them moms way everytime they need something? guys need to step up and realize that being there for them consists of love, understanding, respect, patience and of course being able to provide financially for them if they should need clothing, food, shelter etc. child support is a means meant for the care and well being of your child and regardless of how you feel about your ex, complaining about financially contributing to your child's care should affect what role you play in their lives. you both made the child you both need to financially provide for them whether the 2 parents stay together or not.

First off.. whoops hehe I didn't realize I was not signed in for those other posts.....


Hostile? When faced with hostile foes one must become hostile. You missed my point entirely. My entire point was the fact that BOTH parents should be equal. I do realize there are men who fit the description in my initial post, however, as Mom pointed out there are a lot more women here than men. And there are a lot more posts by women here regarding the topic issue then men. However, my point is clear. Fathers and Mothers should be deemed equal. The only time a parent should gain more consideration as a parent is in a case where the other parent has displayed behavior that deems it necessary to restrict their access to the child(ren).
One of the infuriating things I keep hearing these days, even from my son's own lawyer, is that the norm is for a father to receive every second weekend and a couple days a week access to their child(ren) and the father should just accept this and move on. Why is this the norm???? The norm, in the best interests of the child and the parents should be no less than equal 50/50 time with the child and equal 50/50 support.
As you stated, both parents made the child. Both parents deserve equal treatment.
Don't read into my post wrong. I am not a mother hater or a woman hater. I am a dead beat parent hater and a 100% supporter of equal treatment for both parents if both are decent loving parents. I have seen first hand the effects it has on a child's life when one of their parents, be it the mother or the father, are not present or do not have equal time. This so called "norm" access ritual has to stop and be changed in the best interests of the children and the parents.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by PapaJohn

Hostile? When faced with hostile foes one must become hostile.

Hmmmm...no. When faced with hostile foes, one must try to understand them. Their hostility makes them predictable.
As well, hostility towards ones foes may not help you achieve your goals. You can hurt your opponent, but still fail to win the prize yourself. This is particularly applicable to divorce and custody cases, where vindictiveness towards one's spouse or animosity towards the courts won't help in establishing one's parental rights. The goal is participating in the lives of your children, and that is where you should focus your efforts.

[PapaJohn]

Originally Posted by tbyte

Hmmmm...no. When faced with hostile foes, one must try to understand them. Their hostility makes them predictable.
As well, hostility towards ones foes may not help you achieve your goals. You can hurt your opponent, but still fail to win the prize yourself. This is particularly applicable to divorce and custody cases, where vindictiveness towards one's spouse or animosity towards the courts won't help in establishing one's parental rights. The goal is participating in the lives of your children, and that is where you should focus your efforts.

100% true, I stand corrected and fully agree.

[tbyte]

It is so difficult not to react emotionally when one's children or parenthood is threatened. It took me quite sometime to be able to step outside a situation before deciding on a course of action. But I drew on my experience as a chess player and came to the conclusion that the way to react to threats was with patience, logic, and methodical planning. That was how I was able to out-play the magistrate and attorneys on their own board.

[Littleacres]

i just wanted to say that my ex is like one of these guys thats constantly accuses me of only thinking about his money. I was a stay at home mom for 4 years, i never asked for a penny , rarely got one at that. When we seperated and I asked for child support, all of a sudden all i was about was the money. I just wanted to be able to properly take care of my children, seeing as how we both agreed that even though we seperated we had agreed that I would remain a stay at home mother and brent would see the children on his days off, as he worked 14 hours a day. now he has gotton himself locked up for drinking and driving. He is not anice person when drinking and lied about his drinking constantly. so now that i am going for full custody of the children, and limited visitatons from the father, he now accusses me of being all about the money. you know what I am tired of , men who believe that stay at home mothers are to get nothing, because their work does not bring home a paycheck it is worth nothing, nada, zilch. Now I am all about the money, i didn't dare ask for a cent for 4 years, and now i am about the money. so before you judge all of these so called ignorant selfish women, maybe you should do some investigations on what the father is really like, you know the one behind closed doors. Should I expose my children to an ugly drunk, should i allow my children to stay with a man who will possibly be drunk the whole time, drive them around while he is pissed. Or maybe just maybe if I take the children away, maybe he will see that as an incentive to smarten up and grow up and become a man.
i just thought you should know to properly investigate both sides of the story before start throwing mud. And as far as the money........if a doesn't want to pay child support.......what does that really say about his character......why wouldn't he want to make sure his children are well taken care of.
i don't think a fathers rights should be taken away, but why is it so hard for a man to stand up and fight for his children, I would go flat broke to make sure my children were to stay with me........if these men really want custody, then why are they not willing to the ends of the earth for them.
i know..it's easier to rant and rave, complain and just throw their hands in the air and say " I give up"
complaining about his ex and her faults is not going to help a man get custody of his children, it only makes men seem like they would rather have pity or be stuck in a rut of anger, then have a relationship with their children, I am not saying that this is what they want, but just how the courts tend to see complining and slinging mud.
A man must focus on bettering himself, go to counseling, take a parenting program specialized in raising children after a divorce or seperation. control any emotions that might represent yourself in a negative way.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by Littleacres

you know what I am tired of , men who believe that stay at home mothers are to get nothing, because their work does not bring home a paycheck it is worth nothing, nada, zilch.

Have you seen any posts from men who believe this? Or is this just a good example of a Straw Man argument?

[Littleacres]

Are you kidding, do you live in a box or someting, I don't mean to be rude, but I have come across a few men in my lifetime,including my ex that feel that if a women chooses to be stay at home mom, then she should also accept the fact that there is no money for her. and bringing in no money means no choices, no decisions..etc. I don't know what kind of perfect world you come from but it must be nice to avert your eyes from the rest of society. and no it is not a straw man arguement. That would belike me asking you have you seen any posts from women who agree that they are money hungry, well have you????? and you guys want me to accept the reality of the custody battle for fathers ( which I already do)