paternity problem

My girlfriend who is 17 at the moment, refuses to
allow my family to do a
paternity test. They want to do it through a private company to see if I
am the father of the
baby we supposidly have. Because she refuses, my
family wont let me have any
contact with her until the test is done. I also
don't want to have to get a
court order or anything like that because I plan on
getting married to her
after I finish my schooling to become a welder. What
should I do?

sincerely
SERGIO TOVAR III

[tbyte]

If she is refusing a paternity test, she probably has a reason for not wanting you to know.
Follow your parent's advice and get a court order for a paternity test.

well, the thing with my parents is that they dont want to have to get a court order. they dont want to have to turn me in to child support. because of all this crap, i most likely wont graduate this year. i'm failing 12th grade u.s. government with a 56. my problem is my parents wont let me see,talk or even have anything to do with her until she does the test, and because of that I just barely got to go to my own senior prom. i just dont know anymore. i've told them how bad i feel cause of them but they say "well, i'm sorry". i want to join the arm and go to iraq so bad. where all i have to worry about is staying alive and nothing else.

[tbyte]

You and your parents need to understand that if you are the father you will need to help support the child. There is no way around that, as it is both a moral and a legal obligation. I would also hope that as much as your parents are trying to protect you, they may also want to have a relationship with their grandchild.
If you are seriously thinking of joining the military, you need to understand that this will inhibit your ability to have a relationship with your child. She will effectively get full custody and become the sole decision maker for the child, and be able to relocate herself and the child anywhere and anytime she wants.
I understand that these are difficult decisions to make for someone your age. I recommend that you find someone you trust who is not emotionally involved in the situation to help you sort out your feelings and come to a good decision.

[judg4]

Many courts will set support in conjunction with the paternity test. So indeed be ready for that.

we already have a paternity test from a private company. but she hasent said when she wants to do it. i am trying to get it done so i will be able to see her and the baby. so i can get out and away from my house, because i am tired of being caged up like a beast. i am not a beast, i am a human being. her mom thinks my parents have done something agianst them because all his medical coverage has been dropped and he has partial cleft pallette. it just seems to me that my parents and them cant agree or get along with one another. like they've always dissaproved of her from the start or something. her mom refuses to let my parents see him because they havent helped financially because they want to know if he is mine before we start making a committment.

[tbyte]

If all the adults around you are behaving like children, then you will have to step up and be the mature person in this mess.

I have not seen her and the baby in one month. my parents are completely cutting me off of any contact. if she calls or anything, she cant talk to my, she has to talk to my mom by my dads orders. i am 19 and just graduated, yet i am not allowed to do anything but spend my summer at my house alone before i go to otc, just grand. i ****ing hate my parents. i am treated like a child not a high school graduate.

[tbyte]

I feel so sorry for you. I understand how you feel trapped, and I agree that your parents are making some extremely poor decisions.
Is there NOBODY outside of this situation that you can talk to? A church leader, or school counselor, or a teacher with whom you had a good relationship?

As hard as it is to understand, your parents truly believe they are acting with your best interests in mind. There has to be a reason they doubt your girlfriends credibility. Are you listed as the father on the birth certificate? If so, don't you have a right to have the paternity test done? Why wait on your girlfriend. Being married and being a parent are both lifelong commitments....make sure this baby is yours before you jump into a marriage.