Unmarried 2 different states custody issues?? help!

Okay so I just don't know what to think at this point. I do know that I need to get a lawyer and get to court, but I'm gonna explain my issue first and hopefully someone can explain to me the law, process, etc. B/c I have no idea of what to expect with this!

I'm 8 months pregnant, unmarried, 20 years old, and live in Texas. The baby's father lives in Ohio (we met online.. yeah I know stupid.. guh) We broke up, I want NOTHING more to do with him based on the fact he's completely unfit beyond belief. He hasn't kept a job for more than a paycheck, more less had a job period, since he was 16. He's 20 right now. He overall has NO source of income, practically lives on the streets, high school drop out, would stay gone for days at a time, he has a drug problem, completely irresponsible, no vehicle, doesn't follow through w/ anything he says, etc. I'm not going to keep going on and on about him.

Anyways, so he claims that b/c we're unmarried we have equal rights to the baby. Which yes I understand and know that. But when I bring up custody and visitation rights.. he's saying that only involves married couples. Which I don't think that's true. But also saying that if he wants to come and get her, take her to where he pleases he can easily do this because he's the father and has equal rights. I understand that.. but guh the thought of him wording it that way like he's going to kidnap her worries me bad. B/c I know for a damn fact.. how the hell is he going to provide for her?? He has no job, car, or money. Meaning he'll be putting her life as risk. He also has no experience at all with kids. The drugs. ahhhh! The thought is just scaring me.

So my question is.. would I be able to get full custody of her and he can have visitation rights or whatever. But also that's if he ever gets to Texas since he has no money and never does. When he gets it, it usually goes on drugs first thing. I know. I've seen this first hand on a daily basis.

He's trying to say that he doesn't need to worry about proving to the court he's an unfit father when all he has to do is easily prove I'm an unfit mother. Based on my past 2 years ago or so? Which I don't see how with that b/c I'm a completely changed person from then. Which yeah I went out and clubbing a lot.. did stupid things.... but also I was 18..

I'm 20 years old now. I've got out of the party thing.. grew up. I have a place, i'm taking care of my parents, my own car, I work from home.. I'm applying to get into college this fall so I can later get into med school. Overall, I don't see how the hell he's going to prove I'm an unfit mother CURRENTLY based on my past from 2 years ago.

When CURRENTLY he has no job, car, house, etc and is CURRENTLY on drugs.

Also trying to say I can't deny him from signing the birth certificate.. which duh I know that.. but the chances of him coming up w/ the money to get here for her birth is slim. So he plans on taking me to court over that.. if he can even come up w/ the money to pay for everything.. which there's currently a warrant out for his arrest for some stupid **** he did last year... and saying I denied him rights to sign it and denied him rights to seeing his baby.. and my past 2 years ago.. as his defense in getting full custody of the baby.

So I think.. what mother in their right mind would let their baby around someone constantly high on drugs? you have got to be kidding me.

So comparing the two parents..

Me: I have a job, a car, a place, she has her own room I bought her everything, I'm drug free, etc.

Him: He has no job, no car, no source of income, practically living on the streets, high school drop out, no experience w/ kids, a drug problem, and he has yet to buy the baby ANYTHING. Also lives in a completely different state which chances of him seeing her are slim to none.


but yeah.. sorry for this being so long. But yeah any ideas of what to expect out of all this b/s.



Thank you.

[PapaJohn]

If you are not married and there is no court custody order then whoever has custody of the child can do whatever they want. However, to beat this guy to the punch you might want to talk to a lawyer about any type of documents you might be able to get ordered from the court before the child is born to exercise your right to custody. If that is not possible then the very day, or as soon after as you can, of the child's birth get to court and file for custody.
In order to prevent the father from seeing the child or to force supervised visits you will need to prove the claims you have against him and that he would be a danger to the child.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

We broke up, I want NOTHING more to do with him based on the fact he's completely unfit beyond belief.

Whether or not he has a relationship with his child is his decision, not yours. The child will belong to both of you. Best to reconcile yourself to this now.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Anyways, so he claims that b/c we're unmarried we have equal rights to the baby. Which yes I understand and know that.

Not true. In Ohio, an unwed mother has sole custody of the child until such time as the father petitions the court. Texas may be different, so check your State statutes (usually available online). If the child was born in Texas, then Texas will likely be the court of jurisdiction and Texas laws will apply.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

But when I bring up custody and visitation rights.. he's saying that only involves married couples. Which I don't think that's true.

Why in the world are you soliciting legal advice from the father? Stop listening to him.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

But also saying that if he wants to come and get her, take her to where he pleases he can easily do this because he's the father and has equal rights.

Again, he probably has NO rights in the State of Texas until he gets a court order for visitation. And considering that he lives in a different State and the child will be an infant, his initial visitation will likely be extremely minimal.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Also trying to say I can't deny him from signing the birth certificate.. which duh I know that..

Duh, probably wrong again. Stop listening to him! (I already told you that, right?) To get his name on the birth certificate he would probably need to file a motion with the court prior to the birth of the child stating the he believes he is the father of the as-yet-to-be-born child. I doubt he has his act together enough to do this.
However...if you seek welfare, medicaid, food stamps, or other financial assistance from the State of Texas, they will insist upon knowing the identity of the father so that they can go after him for child support.

Originally Posted by tbyte

Whether or not he has a relationship with his child is his decision, not yours. The child will belong to both of you. Best to reconcile yourself to this now.
Not true. In Ohio, an unwed mother has sole custody of the child until such time as the father petitions the court. Texas may be different, so check your State statutes (usually available online). If the child was born in Texas, then Texas will likely be the court of jurisdiction and Texas laws will apply.
Why in the world are you soliciting legal advice from the father? Stop listening to him.
Again, he probably has NO rights in the State of Texas until he gets a court order for visitation. And considering that he lives in a different State and the child will be an infant, his initial visitation will likely be extremely minimal.
Duh, probably wrong again. Stop listening to him! (I already told you that, right?) To get his name on the birth certificate he would probably need to file a motion with the court prior to the birth of the child stating the he believes he is the father of the as-yet-to-be-born child. I doubt he has his act together enough to do this.
However...if you seek welfare, medicaid, food stamps, or other financial assistance from the State of Texas, they will insist upon knowing the identity of the father so that they can go after him for child support.

thank you

I forgot I posted this the other day but I did contact a lawyer and asked him what to do about this. He said that I can say no if he tries to take the baby or anything of that sort since the mother has legal custody of the baby. Also I'm pretty sure he won't be able to get here and even sign the birth certificate since he can't even afford a pack of cigs. Which after that's been said, probably thinking I shouldn't stress over this so much. But when he threatened to come here and take the baby after she's born, leave state w/ her and said I can't say anything about it. That just really set me off and just scared me basically. B/c I know for a 100% fact the baby will die if she's left in his care. He has NO experience w/ children, no source of income, lives on the streets, drug problem, and there's even a warrant out for his arrest.


As for listening to him.. I know not to listen to him b/c I've had plenty of arguments w/ him and he's just the type of person that likes to argue, cause drama.. and about 90% of the time.. it's all false. He's just all talk. I always end up proving him wrong on soo many things. Just this past time we argued.. and how I was soo infuriated I couldn't even think straight to search the texas laws.. b/c I knew for a fact he was just saying anything he could.. making up **** to get me to give in. But I'm the type of person that won't argue anything unless I have 100% undenying factual evidence in my face.. After I called down.. hours later.. I looked up Texas laws.. and etc. Then later that day called a lawyer. So I do feel more relieved now.

As for the assistant thing.. I am currently receiving assistance from the state.

I also have to keep reminding myself that him even coming up with any sort of money to do this is slim to none. He's borrowed money from soo many ppl.. most of his family wants nothing to do w/ him AT ALL.

but yes thank you for your response.

Originally Posted by PapaJohn

If you are not married and there is no court custody order then whoever has custody of the child can do whatever they want. However, to beat this guy to the punch you might want to talk to a lawyer about any type of documents you might be able to get ordered from the court before the child is born to exercise your right to custody. If that is not possible then the very day, or as soon after as you can, of the child's birth get to court and file for custody.
In order to prevent the father from seeing the child or to force supervised visits you will need to prove the claims you have against him and that he would be a danger to the child.

That exactly what I talked about w/ a lawyer yesterday.


Oh that I can easily do.

1: I've lived w/ him of and on for 6 months and witnessed this first hand on a daily basis.
2: His own father (his parents are divorced) can vouch for me on my accusations b/c he knew and has seen all of this b4 i ever came around and agreed to doing so
3: likewise his aunt and uncle.
4: also all they have to do is just give him a drug test.. enough said there w/ that
5: check his background.. they will find he's a criminal WITH a warrant out for his arrest for assault
6: And also they can ask him if he has a job which he will say no.
7: He is emotionally unstable: my parents have seen him go off on me, yelling... throwing and hitting things.. his dad and step mom also have seen him do this to me... i think the guy is freaking nuts!!! especially w/ the suicide attempts as an act of attention to get me back w/ him and feel sorry for him.. which i want nothing more to do w/ this guy... but he can't take the damn hint!!

the list goes on... but you get the point


so w/ all that being said likewise he has NO experience w/ children... which i've asked him this b4.. and he said he couldn't even change a diaper...

but ya.. i know for a damn fact i'll be risking my baby's life if he's in her care.. alone.


thank you for responding