custody question

[momintrouble]

I have been divorced since 2003 and my x and i have shared custody, He has them a week and i have them week. I pick them up everyday after school, so technically, the only day i dont see them is on saturday. We do drop off and pick up on sunday.
My family lives about 3 hours away and my mom and grandmother are having some serious health problems.
i would like to move closer to them to help but i am told by my x that i cant take the kids with me.
my son is 12 and my daughter is 9. both want to move with me because they miss the family.
is there anything i can do or am i going to be held hostage here to be with my kids

[judg4]

You can go back to the court and explain what is happening and ask the judge to agree to your plans.

For health or family reasons the court often will accommodate you.

[tbyte]

Held hostage by the fact that it would be difficult to deny your children regular contact with their father.
I am continually amazed how many people put their own preferences and wishes before the welfare of their children.

[momintrouble]

no, i am not denying the father visitation and for you to assume that just from what you read in one paragraph is ludicrious. please dont place me in a tidy box with all of the other mothers that just want the kids and the money. NOT FAIR
i have moved every year for the first 7 years of our marriage because he wanted to. he is bipolar and off his meds and has been for almost 3 years. the ONLY reason he does not want to give me full custody is because he doesnt want to any more support. if i went to him right now and said that he would never have to pay a single dime again, he would gladly give them up.
i have to have the kids on medicaid to pay for their medication. between the 2 kids, it is almost 2700.00 a month. if i am on medicaid, they will hunt him down and get support.
if you have some suggestions for me in what i can do, please let me know, if you are just going to critisize me for what you think is going on, please dont.

[tbyte]

Your assertion that the father has no real interest in his children does not fit with your previous statement that he has them 50% of the time.
How often you moved during your marriage is irrelevant. That was a joint decision, and what you are doing now is a unilateral decision.
I chastised you because, quite simply, you stated that you were going to separate your children from their father because you wanted to be closer to your own parents.
How would you feel if he decided that he wanted to move away and take the children with him, leaving you with reduced visitation? Would that be OK with you? Or is there a double-standard here?

hmmm...this does seem a bit complicated

hope something can be worked out so that everybody can be with the kids

[momintrouble]

I wrongly thought that this was a place that i could come for advise and not feel attacked by someone that was bitter about his own situation.
He has them 50% of the time because that is what the court decided. even after he had his parental right suspended for not giving our epileptic son his medicine, the court gave him back his unsupervised parenting time. I followed the court order. When the state charged him with child abuse for hitting our son and leaving marks on him, he was ordered to attend anger management classes and counceling (which he never attended). i followed the court order for his parenting time. Now, my son is 12 and has decided that he no longer wants to see his father. HIS choice. my daughter is 9 and cannot make that decision. She has stated to myself and her grandmother that she is scared of her father and is afraid that if her stepmother isnt there that, "her father will lose control and hurt her". I didnt want to go into details about my situation in public for fear that there will be some that will say that i am putting my children in danger by having them go back to him.( gee, guess this is where you comment needlessly, and without the filter being engaged between your brain and mouth) I am following the court order and will not be held in contempt. My mother is in poor health and cannot care for my grandmother. My grandmother is dying. There is more under the surface than you know and your assinine comments and assumptions just prove that you are just like him and that a woman took your kids too. GOOD FOR HER. guess it wouldnt do any good to tell you that a reply was not needed, after all, you are "like that"

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by momintrouble

I wrongly thought that this was a place that i could come for advise and not feel attacked by someone that was bitter about his own situation.

What gave you the impression that I am bitter about my situation? Things are going pretty well for me, actually.

Originally Posted by momintrouble

He has them 50% of the time because that is what the court decided. even after he had his parental right suspended for not giving our epileptic son his medicine, the court gave him back his unsupervised parenting time.

Perhaps your arrogant attitude did not impress the court.
It sounds to me like this case has been reviewed by the courts (probably more than once), as well as CPS, and they did not think he was as bad a guy as you describe him to me (an probably to your kids).
If he represents a danger to the children, or there has been a change in circumstances, then petition for a new custody arrangement or parenting plan. Otherwise, no, you were mistaken in thinking this was a place where you could come for advice on creating parental alienation without any criticism.

Originally Posted by momintrouble

...your assinine comments and assumptions just prove that you are just like him and that a woman took your kids too. GOOD FOR HER.

No. I got custody of my kids. So wrong again.

[momintrouble]

i never said that i was taking the kids away from him. he can have them as much as he wants. i can provide 1/2 of the trasnportation. again, you are talking our your ass. you should look at craigs list rants and raves. it would suit you perfectly. thank you everyone that has given a informed, compassionate, non-assumong answer. to you, tbyte, get bent.

[tbyte]

You are going to move them 3 hours away and still share time with him 50/50? Exactly how is that going to work out around work schedules and school hours?
And anybody reviewing this thread can quickly tell which one of us has been ranting and raving...
But, to answer, your original question "is there anything i can do or am i going to be held hostage here to be with my kids"...sure. You can grant him full custody and then move wherever you want to, and not be held hostage any more.
Or, you can realize that your obligation to your children comes before your obligation to your parents and grandparents (I hope they would agree), and not take actions which will inevitably cause turmoil in their lives.