custody question

[momintrouble]

thank you tbyte. i have been saying for years that he should have limited visitation with the kids and the courts are of the opinion that he should be given another chance( and another and another) when he hit our son and left hand shaped bruise on him, the social worker came out and both of the kids told the same exact story about what happened. son was in his room, dad came in, dad got mad and yelled at son, daughter came out and asked what was goin on, dad told her to get into bed, pull the covers up over her head and pretendthat she wasnt there, dad went into sons room and slapped him repeatedly. they both told the same story to the dhs worker at seperate time. we went to court and the dhs worker told the judge what she was told. the judge said he needed anger managment and parenting classes he never went. i waited almost 6 months and called the dhs worker and asked if it had been documented that he was going. she said no. i asked what i was supposed to do. she said that i could take it back to court but that i shouldnt get my hopes up because the judicial system here sucks and they arent going to do anything. her words, not mine

[tbyte]

You need to take control of your own case.
None of the lawyers, judges, magistrates, guardians, CSEA workers, or CPS workers, know your case better than you do.
None of the lawyers, judges, magistrates, guardians, CSEA workers, or CPS workers, care about your case more than you do.
Make it your BUSINESS to know the applicable laws and relevant appeals court rulings better than they do. (Sadly, this is not too difficult.)
Listen to, and remember, all the information these people give you. But when they tell you something can't be done, or recommend handling something in manner you disagree with, ignore them and do it anyway as long as you are confident that you are operating within the law.
I allowed my attorney to take control of my initial case, and we lost. She recommended against appealing, because the odds of winning were so slim.
I appealed anyway, with a different attorney. He told me he could argue one of two points: point 1 was more likely to be successful, but would not give me what I thought was a just outcome. Point 2 was a compromise. He recommended point 2. I knew that law was on my side, so I told him to argue point 1.
We won our appeal.
My attorney told me that after the case was sent back family court, the magistrate would likely simply modify her previous ruling and reinstate it, and so I should come to a compromise with my ex-wife.
I disregarded his advice, and as he predicted the magistrate simply ignored the ruling of the appeals court. But I re-appealed the case (this time, on my own), and won it again hands down. The appeals court was so angry that they even recommended that I file a grievance against the magistrate.
The magistrate recused herself from my case, and after four years, I finally had the ruling that I needed to raise my children.
Win or lose, you are the one who will need to live with the outcome of your case, so win or lose, you should take responsibility for directing it.
Go, and file contempt charges against the father for not completing the anger management course.

[momintrouble]

The last time i went in to file a contempt case for him not following the court order for giving our son his epilepsy medicine (the dad wasnt) the judge told me that if she sa me in court again, she would hold me in contempt. I am going to have to wait a couple more months before i can go back. even though it was a year ago, i dont want to push my luck. Isnt this an election year? she will be less likely to have to deal with me more than once if she thinks i am going to make public her total disregard for the kids welfare. and i will. i am just really tired of doing everything by the book and having him do what he wants and not follow any of the rules that were set up by the court. i think i might have to look into finding an attorney but it will have to be a really inexpensive one.

[PapaJohn]

Originally Posted by tbyte

These days, I'd be most surprised if I every saw them do the right thing.

I completely agree.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by momintrouble

The last time i went in to file a contempt case for him not following the court order for giving our son his epilepsy medicine (the dad wasnt) the judge told me that if she sa me in court again, she would hold me in contempt.

Personally, I would call her bluff, or at least demand a formal ruling with findings of fact and conclusions of law to support it.

[momintrouble]

you gonna bail me out when she decides to call my bluff? sorry, i am KIDDING . the way things go around here, the dad has been given a free pass for all of these contempt hearings and i would be the one that went to jail. i think i am just going to wait till the end of the month. that is usually how long the judges last around here. (about 10 months)

[tbyte]

How many contempt charges have you filed?
You need to be smart about what you file. You need to pick the battles that win, and the battles that matter. You need to make sure you know the laws and the orders and can make a legal argument that they have not been followed. You need to not waste the court's time. And you need to realize that filing contempt charges, even successfully, is not going to get you much on its own and needs to be part of a larger, long-term, legal strategy.

[momintrouble]

I had my attorney file contempt charges when dad still wasnt giving our son his epilepsy medicine and the dad showed up in court with all the medicine in a baggie and said he was giving him his meds. well, duh! How can the medicine be in the bag AND in our son? judge didnt do anything. Then, he filed contempt for not having enrolled in anger management classes. Dad blew his top and said he hadnt been given time to. It was 8 months later. the judge did nothing except to say that he had 2 months to enroll. He never did. He was threatened by the judge to be held in contempt if he didnt pay child support. He hasnt willingly paid anything. He lost his license, couldnt get the car registered and couldnt get new tags. Did he go and pay the support to get everything back on trak? No. He ran a tow strap out the back window of the van and covered the portion of the plate that had the year tag. He went like that for 2 and a half years!! He got pulled over and the cop said that he needed to have someone come get the van and not get caught driving before he got everything corrected.
Now, if that was me...they would have thrown me UNDER the jail.
He falls in a pile of caca and comes out smelling like roses.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by momintrouble

Then, he filed contempt for not having enrolled in anger management classes. Dad blew his top and said he hadnt been given time to. It was 8 months later. the judge did nothing except to say that he had 2 months to enroll. He never did.

I think that's the one you should have followed up on with a motion for proof of completion of the course.
If you bring up lots of different contempt charges, then you are the one annoying the court. If the same issue keeps reappearing because the father is disregarding the court orders, then he will be the cause of the annoyance.
Here's why: court officers (particularly magistrates) are motivated primarily by their desire to clear their dockets. Raising new contempt charges adds to their dockets, but the father's failure to complete the course prevents the issue from being completed.

the court system is the biggest joke ever. i am also frustrated. i will never understand why they would give someone as young as 14 the right to decide who they want to live with. kids under the age of 18 should have no say. the parents know whats best not the kids and the court should be evaluating the parents to decide who is more fit to raise them not give the kids that kind of power over the adults. its ludicrous. also, when i called the police to have my husband removed from the home for harrasment, they let him take the kids with him and has been holding them hostage ever since telling them not to talk to me or take my calls or even let me know where they are. how is this not a crime?