custody question

i can sympathize with you. my husband constantly manipulates the kids and tries to win their pity by telling them everything thats going on in our case and taking them everywhere he goes to complain about me so all they hear is how terrible i am for doing this to HIM. i have never complained to anyone in front of my kids yet he makes sure they are always there when he complains. Still the court does nothing to stop this. Last week he came home after our court appointment and flipped out on me throwing things at me and wishing me dead so i filed a police report and took it to family court and they told me they couldnt have him removed because he didnt put his hands on me so therefore they dont feel im in any immediate danger! today he got the papers to appear in family court and was flipping out on me again saying he was going to deny everything in the police report and trying to take the kids with him when he stormed out but thank god they refused to go with him. i cant believe the court system puts women through this crap. they obviously could care less.

[PapaJohn]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

everyone is out to favor the dads lately no matter what their situations are.

Which planet are you referring to in your comment above???

[momintrouble]

I had to have another line put in our parenting plan. is says that no disparaging remarks can be made about the other parent on front of the kids. period. if he does, i can have him charged wih contempt. he has been good about this. this is the only thing about the court order he has followed. i should have added that there are to be no adults of the opposite sex, that are not fmily, sleeping over at the house. he has this in his court orders with his other x and i wondered why she did that for a while and now it is crystal clear.
If you want to talk or just vent, send me a pm and i will give you my email address.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by momintrouble

i should have added that there are to be no adults of the opposite sex, that are not fmily, sleeping over at the house. he has this in his court orders with his other x and i wondered why she did that for a while and now it is crystal clear.

Such a clause should not even be legal. Who he lives with is not your concern unless it creates a dangerous environment for the children.

[momintrouble]

and you dont think that the #20 post in this forum is enough evidence? this was just the latest in a long line of very unsafe enviroments that he has put the kids in. he has left them alone with a woman that he admitted that he knew for 5 hours, he has taken them to a neighbors house for her to wath them and she had her children taken away for child abuse and he knew about it( the woman was awaiting trial) he paid a man that he met at the park to watch them so he could go to a bar. still think it is unreasonable? the courts wont make him have supervised visitation so i have to do what i have to do. but, ike i said, it isnt in our parenting plan, it is in his other x's and that case was in arkansas.

we did have a clause in our agreement of not to talk about the case in front of the kids and he still does it. i think i will look into this contempt thing too .. maybe that will teach him a lesson. we were both to meet with our sons teacher to discuss his homework issues etc and the law guardian told me to let him make the appt before our next meeting so he could have some involvement. well, our next meeting came and they asked him when the appt was and he said "oh, i didnt get around to it" .. they didnt even hold it against him! when i made the appt he showed up and stayed for about a minute then stormed out leaving me to discuss things with the teacher. of course they didnt hold that against him either. i am fed up with everyone looking the other way everytime he screws up because they dont wanna bring attention to it and wreck his chance in court. if hes that irresponsible and could care less about his kids education i say he doesnt deserve joint custody .. but hey, who am i? im just the concerned responsible parent which in court means nothing.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by momintrouble

and you dont think that the #20 post in this forum is enough evidence?

Mom...the clause disallowing non-family members to spend the night at the other parent's home while the children are there is still ridiculous, even more so because of the example you cited. Do you really think the children would be LESS safe if this other person was not there? Obviously, if what you are telling us is true, this is not a responsible parent under any circumstances, and a clause limiting vistors during visitation time is for all practical purposes, pointless. The sole effect of such a clause is to intrude on personal liberties.

[momintrouble]

things are bad enough in real life that i dont have to make anything up. my whole point of writing about the situation with the drunk girlfriend is that she was the girlfriends mom. if he hadnt been living with her, he would have left the kids with the babysitter and they would not have been exposed to that possible danger.
i can guarantee one thing, if i had come in here and told the story about how they had been left with this woman and they had ended up being seriously hurt, there would have been a couple of people jumping up and down yelling that i was partially responsible for them being hurt because i knew what she was like and didnt say spmething about it when it happened the first time.
I am not making anything up, i have everything documented from 2000.
other mom-i know what you are going through and it doesnt feel good. our son is a special needs child and has meetings at the school 2 times a year with the teacher, sped coordinator, sped teacher school counselor and nurse. he is in 6th grade and was in head start for 2 years before that. so all in all 18 meetings. dad has been to 2 of them. i have just gotten to the point that i make the appointment for the meetings, email him when they are( so i have proof that he has been told) and then go. if he comes, good.
i would suggest that you email him about everything. that way, you have written proof that he was notified.

[PapaJohn]

Something just isn't adding up here for me..... If all of this is true and you have documented evidence then the father shouldn't even have access to the child. I have seen courts refuse fathers access to their kids for a lot less than what you have posted here.... so it just doesn't jive with me.

[tbyte]

I've seen it both ways. At the heart of it, our family courts are simply incompetent. So, it no longer surprises may when they limit visitation without justification, or when they fail to limit visitation in the face of evidence of neglect or abuse. These days, I'd be most surprised if I every saw them do the right thing.