custody question

[momintrouble]

you dont know the whole story or all the information. please leave me alone. please

[tbyte]

Then best of luck to you, your children, their father, and your family. I hope that everything works itself out.

[PapaJohn]

Originally Posted by momintrouble

you dont know the whole story or all the information. please leave me alone. please

Your attitude toward Tbye is pretty aggressive. And before you try to accuse me of being in cahoots with Tbye go look at some other posts he and I have posted together in and you will see we do have our differences. Tbyte has just explained the bare facts to you based on what you have posted.
Personally I think your story smells pretty fishy. If the father was that bad then I can not see a court awarding him 50% joint custody. Furthermore I can not see a court allowing a father unsupervised access to the children after not one but two instances of neglect and abuse, as you state here. From my experience with family court situations like these would have the court change the custodial orders drastically to restrict the father's access to protect the children, especially in cases of physical abuse.

Here's an idea.... Have you even discussed you parents and grand parents moving closer to you????

[momintrouble]

the situation with the courts and the charges was after the custody arrangement was made. the judge kept saying that they wanted the arrangement to stay the same and give him yet another chance to get his **** together. again, and again and again. everytime we went in, there was a different judge. it got to the point that i asked one if the previous things we had been in court about were in the records. he said that they probably were but that he never read them. he said that he didnt know of any judges that did. they all started of a case by thinking that this was the first time that the parties had been in before him.
so each party had a clean slate. kinda makes it hard to has some continuity when you see a different on every time and nobody gives a **** what happened last time. after the dad lost his parental rights and we went back (that time i had an attorney) the judge said that he couldnt see why the dad had lost the rights to begin with. the lawyer asked if the judge had read the file and the judge said she didnt have time for that. we got the case to go before the first judge and he said that he remembered the case and ordered the dad into anger management and counseling. he did neither.
he had been ordered to pay support. he has a job making 35 an hour. the order was 4 years ago. he has yet to pay any of it. he had his drivers license suspended, his tax return taken away and still wont pay.CSEU is constantly calling his payroll office and asking them what is going on. everytime they get paperwork to have his paycheck garnished, his boss (and good friend) changes something about where he works, what his phone number is, what his title is and then sends it back saying that the paperwork isnt correct so they cant submit it. please dont tell me that they cant do that and that i should take him back to court. i know he isnt supposed to be able to do that but he does.
i know that if you dont have the whole story, it sounds fishy, but the least you could do is ask for more details.
i have talked to my mom, stepdad and grandmother about moving. my grandmother had alzheimers, my mother has to have her knee replaced and my stepdad has his kids where they live.
i will give you more details if you ask for them but i am very uncomfortable laying eveything out on the line in a public forum.

[tbyte]

Child support and custody/visitation are two different and separate issues, so even though you may have cause to pursue aggressive court action against him for support, you will probably not be able to bring this up as a reason for relocating the children.
You say he has not paid any of the support, but you also say that his tax return has been intercepted. So, these two statements do not add up. If your child support agency is being lax in pursuing him, you will need to keep after them, even to the point of being annoying. They may not take serious action on your case as long as it is not a personal bother to them. Sad, but too often true.
If the employer is colluding with him to avoid payment of support, then the employer may be liable for fines or worse. You may just need to seriously threaten this to see the employer's "friendship" with the father turn sour.
Why have you gotten a different judge every time you appear? Is there that much turnover in your local court system?
What were the reasons why the father was ordered into anger management? This may be ordered for legitimate reasons, but may also be ordered as a delaying tactic for a judge who simply does not want to deal with the case at that time.

[momintrouble]

ok, let me rephrase...he has not voluntariliy paid any support. i know that the 2 issues are seperat. but the fact still remains that i have been supporting the kids on my own. all the school supplies, all the clothes, all the school uniforms..everything. he gets them on sunday with socks, shoes, underwear, everything. when i get them back, they have no socks on, no underwear on and their stepsisters hand me down clothes on that are falling apart. i know that i have to pursue both in a different court but i can go in and state that i have had no support from him.
CSEU is trying all the time to get him to pay but short of going down there in person, they are going to have a hard time getting his boss to sign anything.
yes, the turnover is that high in the court system around here. we went to court one week and there was one judge there and we went back 2 weeks later and the original judge no longer worked there. same for the child support division.

[tbyte]

Talk to the CSEA about pursing legal action against the employer, and if they will not take action tell them that you are going to contact your State Attorney General's office to take action. Then do it.

i feel the courts arent that sympathetic to mothers like they should be. they never take into consideration any of our concerns when it comes to the kids or what is in their best interest and it pisses me off especially when i know more about my kids and our situation than they do! everyone is out to favor the dads lately no matter what their situations are. in my case the father was an irresponsible parent, let my kids do anything they wanted with no discipline or rules or consequences for their actions, drank while with the kids and drove with them after drinking too, let his family members give them alcohol, etc ..as well as never helped financially with them all thru the marriage and the court still didnt want to favor me in custody becuase they didnt think it was fair that a father should lose any right to their child no matter what bad things they do. in my opinion, the courts dont look at whats in the best interest of the kids anymore. if they did, it would rightfully affect the fathers custody and visitation chances. in other words if he cant be a mature, responsible adult as well as take into consideration any other medical conditions that would affect proper parenting it should affect his chances of any visitation and custody.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

i feel the courts arent that sympathetic to mothers like they should be.

That is patently ridiculous. Our family courts are notorious for the double-standard they they implement in the mother's favor. What you are experiencing is something else our family courts are notorious for: laziness and apathy.
Frankly, family courts just don't care.

[momintrouble]

i have to agree with this person to an extent. my x has come to pick the kids up drunk several times. i denied him visitation. he went home, sobered up for an hour, showered and called the police. they came out and told me that i had to give the kids to him. he stayed in the car. they never got close enough to him to smell him. the kids said that he went home and drank again. he was living with the baby sitters mom, told me that she was stealing his stuff to buy alcohol and yet he did nothing. i called the kids from work and got no answer, i called repeatedly (7 times) and still got no answer. i called him at work and he went over there to see what was going on. she was passed out on the couch. the paramedics had to be called because she wouldnt wake up. she came home 2 days later. i asked if i could have them for the week, he said no, it was his week. i called the house to talk to the kids. her daughter answered the phone and said that her mom has gotten drunk and passed out and my son, who was 5 at the time, tried to make him and his sister some lunch and while making the toast, the smoke alarm went off. thank god that it was connected to the one upstairs and the daughter came down just as the toaster caught fire. the dad didnt move out for another 5 months. i documented all this and presented it to the court and was told that i needed to mind my own business and he could have anyone he wanted take care of the kids when they were with him. how the hell is that fair? how is that looking out for the best interest of the children? best question yet...how the hell did this ******* get into that job.
i am really frustrated right now. i know that he is going to have to beat the hell out of one of the kids and the school is going to have to call cps and he is going to have to be convicted and be in jail before i can know, deep in my heart and soul that the kids will be safe from him. until then, i pray that the stepmom sticks around to watch out for them.