i need help

[freely]

i havent seen my daughter in six years and i have court again 2moro. Unfortunately for me i havent been able to comply with all the orders of the court due to financial and addiction issues. I recently started an anger management program and a substnce abuse program but not as timely as the court had wanted due to financial issues. i attempted to get the court postponed to no avail. WHAT SHOULD I DO? i am truly trying to get myself together and be apart of my daughters life but her grandmother has money and a lawyer and i'm seen as just another 20something blk male with a criminal history that gets shoved in my face all the time along with child support arrears that i incured during a 3year prison sentence

[tbyte]

Visitation and child support are two different matters. Legally, your failure to support your child does not affect your rights to visitation. Your failure to see your child for six years, however, will negatively impact your chances of visitation. As will your substance abuse and anger issues.
What should you do?
Be very contrite. Be very receptive and appreciative of any leniency the court gives you. Don't ask for more than you deserve, which at the moment would probably be supervised visits at best. And for the sake of you and your child, get your life together.

[freely]

i understand that child suport and visitation are two sperate issue but they always tend to merge them into one. my daughters mother passed away and form the begining its been no easy task accepting that as fact nor communicating with the grandmother. i know that my prsonal issue are a major factor as i must show some stability before im granted anything. i asked for a therapeutic reintergration since its been so long and now 2moro i have court again . its not that i havent attempted to be a part of my daughters life its just that every time i go to court they want me to do something new and on my end its highly frustrating to the point had to get the help i need to stop self medicating with the use of marijuana. I know that visitation will not be granted at this time and i know with my issues im not ready (aleast by court standards) how should i let them know this without incriminating myself so much

[tbyte]

I'm not saying its impossible for you to eventually get custody of your daughter, but you need to resign yourself to the fact that it is going to be a very long process based upon the hole you have dug for yourself so far.
The good news is that the journey to becoming a good father is the same path to fixing your own life.
Seriously, my advice to you would be to accept whatever visitation or rights the court gives you, and then ask the court "what do I have to demonstrate in order to step up my involvement in my daughters life?" Then do what is asked, and request the next step. Etc.

Also, GET ALONG WITH THE GRANDPARENTS, or whoever is caring for the child right now. Be humble, work with them, and understand that they are not going to trust you right off and you will need to build that trust.

If you let this principle guide your life: "What is the best thing I can do right now for my child?", you will know that you are on the right path and your life will be richer for it.

Best of luck to you. Let us know how things turn out.

[freely]

i went to court today and it was basically a stalemate until i complete my program which will be best for all parties. it will probaly be about six months before i complete the program and regardless today felt like a small victory for me. thanx for all advice. I will definitely post any new developments as i progress.

I am glad to hear you feel like you have won a small victory. I just wanted to give you a few words of encouragement, so hang in there and be strong. I watched my son go through a severe addiction and unfortunately it ended in suicide. Knowing first hand how hard it is for a parent to watch a child go through that, I can only imagine what it would be like for a child to see it with a parent.
What you need to do now is always put your daughter first, even though she is not with you. every time you are about to use, or when you feel your temper ready to flare, picture her sweet face, count to ten, twenty or even one hundred, close your eyes and ask yourself,"What is the most important thing to me? Do I want a 'high' more then I want to have my daughter? Is what I'm angry about really worth never being able to hold her?" Then just walk away, pick up a piece of paper and a pen, write down your feelings, date it and sign it. Then put it in a lock box. Do this every time, even if you were not able to walk away. After a few weeks, take the letters out of the box and read them, if it's working for you, you will see big changes in your feelings and the way you were able to handle them. Another thing you may want to do if you haven't already, is start a journal for your daughter, letting her know how much you missed her during your time away from her, but be careful, do not critisize grandma, your daughter has probably created a special bond with her. When you are reunited with her, she may have a lot of anger built up inside, giving her the journal may make her feel better, but not if you are talking bad about someone she loves.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, GOOD LUCK!!!