Father dating Attorney.

Here is the lowdown:

The Father has had visitation since settlement in 2003. Since then, he has only occasionally shown interest in the lives of the children, and only when it was to his convenience.

The Mother has LEGAL CUSTODY. Father has bi-weekly visitation.

The Father recently began dating someone (within the last two months).

In the same week it was discovered that the children in question were being cared for by the new girlfriend during the Father's visitation, the Father began contacting schools, doctor's offices and such to gain access to the children's records (to which he already had access and was never denied by letter or law). The letters written to these offices were NOT written by the Father, nor signed by him. They were signed by another party and were initialed by someone else (we assume the attorney/girlfriend).

Next, the Father begins demanding his "ten minutes a day" on the phone with the kids. However, after a brief one minute "Hello", the girlfriend gets on the phone and begins asking questions such as "What sports do you play?", "What sports do you want to play", "Who are your friends?", "Where do they live?", "Do you have play dates with them?", "Who are your teachers?" and on and on. In the background you can hear papers rustling, and whispering. We are also positive the phone calls are being recorded.

So. I'm thinking Conflict of Interest here. Anyone?

State is NY.

Conflict of interest on the part of his attorney would be his concern, not yours.

His time with the children is his to spend however he wishes, so long as it is not harmful to them. If he chooses to use his time allowing them to interact with other persons, that is his decision.

If you have full custody, then I do not think he has a right to contact the schools or get the children's records unless specifically allowed in your court orders. If you have a shared parenting arrangement, then he has a legal right to these documents.

When I mentioned Conflict of Interest, I was referring to the rights of the children. Certainly no Lawyer representing a Father should have direct access to the children for such intimate and extended periods of time.

The lawyer/girlfriend is using her relationship with the children to influence them. The children feel threatened now, especially when the interrogations happen on the phone. They want to know why their Father is asking all of these questions, and why the girlfriend is acting strange.

Quite frankly, so do I.

No motions have been presented (yet). But I am at least curious if a Judge wouldn't find this situation and behavior suspect.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

When I mentioned Conflict of Interest, I was referring to the rights of the children. Certainly no Lawyer representing a Father should have direct access to the children for such intimate and extended periods of time.

I have no idea what the laws are regarding this, or what the rules of your State's Bar Association would be. Try contacting the Bar Association to find out.

Yeah... I've already done that. They cannot respond as I am not a lawyer.

However, they did say it would be up to the judge to decide if this was an acceptable arrangement.

I came here to see what other lawyers would think, if not possibly, a judge that might be checking the website.

I'm a dicorced father myself, and know fully what my rights and responsibilities are. Personally? I would never do this to my child. Subject her to questioning and interrogation against her mother and then have my girlfriend face my child's mother in court. It's disgusting.

Okay. Now this whole situation has crossed the line.

The lawyer/girlfriend has sent a letter (via certified mail) stating that she has "learned that the children have been subjected to negative words about the Father" which is a flat out lie. Also, she states that the Mother has withhled visitation (lie) and that he is being denied phone contact (lie). She then continues to say that she will pursue this matter in court which may result in a "Change of custody" and that the Mother may be held responsible for "any and all legal fees the Father may be subjected to".

In this past weekend, the children visited with the Father, only to spend the entire day alone with the lawyer/girlfriend who A) washed her car with the kids and paid them twenty dollars each to do so (the kids are 9 and 11) and then B) planted a garden in the dress clothes and sneakers that they were sent in for Passover, only to return them in a plastic bag completely filthy and ruined. They were also WIRED on candy, of which we were told they were allowed to eat ALL DAY AS MUCH AS THEY WANTED.

Seriously. Can she send a letter threatening to "change custody"?? Warning us to "cease and desisit" actions that aren't occurring?? Expect us to pay her legal fees when we can't even be sure that she is actually charging the Father??

Somebody please tell us what the proper course of action is to combat this.

Sounds like pure bluster to me, designed to intimidate you. This is a strategy that attorneys use. They try to upset, anger, frustrate, confuse, or scare the opposing litigant.
Do you have an attorney? Try to find one that will ask the father to pay all of your fees (a much more likely scenario, as the girlfriend/attorney is probably all too aware).
Keep your ducks in a row. Make sure you have documentation to support all of your assertions, and follow the letter and the spirit of your current court orders.

What about filing a grievance?

To be honest, if the Father realizes that he is not going to get free representation in this matter, he will more than likely just stop. He doesn't truly care about the kids, he just wants to hurt the Mother, and not pay for it in the process. If we are able to remove her ability to represent him... to cut this off before it even gets to the courts, this will all be over.

Do we have grounds for filing a grievance? Can this letter combined with her ability to persuade the children be enough?

[PapaJohn]

Originally Posted by tbyte

Do you have an attorney? Try to find one that will ask the father to pay all of your fees

OK... while I do agree that fathers need to step up and support their children.. I believe this practice of fathers having to pay the ex's lawyer is totally disgusting!!!!!!!!! It's like the ripping away of the children is the beating of the father to the ground and then when he's on the ground having to pay the lawyer who just screwed him over and took his kids away is the continuous kicking in the head while he is down. Pure frikin EVIL!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps you didn't read the entire thread.

The Father's lawyer is doing precisely the same thing to the Mother.

And although I can understand how you feel, I would be more sympathetic if we were talking about a man who was at least pretending to be a Father up until now.

There are GREAT single/divorced Dads, there are ADEQUATE single/divorced Dads, and then there is this guy. Late/missing child support... keeps his kids in diapers while in his care to the age of 7, leaves them with whatever girl he happens to be dating at the time for whatever purpose, curses the mother in front of the children, only occasionally makes appearances at special events and often shows up drunk, cancels when they are even slightly sick or when it is inconvenient... etc., etc., etc.

It's amazing to me that this new girlfriend/lawyer is as stupid as she is to defend or even date him. She must be seriously desperate for male companionship, clients, children or all three.

Do yourself a favor. Don't think that defending all Father's will help your cause. It won't. It's guys like this that make it difficult for the good ones.

Now... can anyone tell me how to squash this nonsense quick?