proving he is an irresponsible parent

we are currently in a parent-settlement conference. my husband manipulated the kids into wanting to be with him instead of with me. they are 10 & 16. he bribes them with everything you can imagine to win them over because hes in a better financial position to do so and has about $900 mo left to pocket after he pays his bills. I am struggling now because i have all the debt and he is refusing to help. I cant believe the court still hasnt ordered him to help me pay anything yet. Anyways, he is fighting me for the kids, not because he wants them but for his own selfish need of maliciously teaching me a lesson for filing for divorce on him thinking he will have me paying him support and thinking that if he gets the kids he will have the right to kick me out of the house. He has been very irresponsible with the kids ever since they were born and just recently (about a year ago when i mentioned the D word) started taking an interest in spending time with them and buddying around with them to win them over. I consider myself very responsible, have been hard working all through the marriage, and rather strict while he is more of a "no rules" type of parent. He has left them home alone and a couple times in the pool to play golf while I was working, he trusted them to go wandering around the neighborhood by themselves when they were as young as 10 years old and lets them play with kids that are known troublemakers in the neighborhood when i have constantly asked my kids to stay away from these hoodlums. my husband acts like another child who is constantly trying to defy his mother instead of acting like a responsible parent that i am supposed to trust with my kids while i am at work. he is more concerned with defying my and undermining my authority with the kids than he is for their well being and safety. still, he seems to think that he will win primary custody of the kids and get the house in this parent settlement conference and i cant understand what would make him think such a thing. what determines who gets to be the primary custodial parent if we cant reach an agreement and the court knows of my concerns of him being an irresponsible and untrusting parent? i have listed about 30 instances where i thought he was acting irresponsible and putting the welfare and safety of the kids at risk and the worst he has on me is that i make the kids do extra and unnecessary homework (which i call studying and he calls punishment lol) and sometimes swear in front of them. also, his lawyer is an out for blood cut throat atty and mine is a more laid back, calm, play by the rules, wait and see what happens kinds guy .. can anyone offer some insight? do i need to find a more aggressive attorney to fight harder for me? i want primary custodial rights and the home since i was the one who filed the divorce because of his behavior with the kids and the fact that he wasnt helping me financially. why is it that women have to fight for whats right and everything nowadays go in the man's favor? this isnt right. the court doesnt know what is right for my kids. I do ... HELP!!!

He sounds like a great guy who wants to spend time with his kids. I hope he does well, and frankly if you rant about him like that in front of the judge, he probably will win. The courts do not favor parties who appear argumentative and uncooperative.