Injustice

I feel that injustice have been done to me.
My year-long divorce proceedings (with my vindictive ex-husband) has just ended and all ancillary issues were granted to my favour.

However, what shocked me was the judge's decision to grant my ex-husband UNSUPERVISED access (once a week, every Sat from 9am-5pm) to my baby who is just 1 & 1/2 yrs old. My ex-husband & I separated on 14 Mar last year when the baby was just 6 & 1/2 mths old. The baby does not know him. For 1 year, the only people he recognised is me and my family.

The last time my ex-husband demanded for access on 7 Feb this year, the judge denied him unsupervised 6-hr access and only granted him 2-hrs SUPERVISED access (with me around) telling him that the child is still a baby & will look for the mother & needs the mother arnd. However, during the next court session on 25 Feb, the judge granted him unsupervised access. Despite me telling the judge that he doesn't know the child's feeding/sleeping habits, the judge ordered him to "learn and if any problem, to return back the child immediately and not wait till 5pm".

Only I know that my ex-husband is actually not interested in the child. He never wanted a child in the 1st place, we were married for 5yrs and he never wanted a child, claiming we can't afford, when in actual fact, he didn't want to compromise on the luxuries we enjoy with joint-income.

I hired a PI to keep track of my baby's well-being (to ensure he's coping well and is not too traumatised ). The 1st day was hell. He came back very weak (not well fed, not put to sleep, probably cried the whole day searching for us and he even left the child the whole afternoon with his family/relatives while he was out the whole afternoon). We got a medical report the following day where the doctor felt he could be suffering from separation anxiety.

My ex-husband is purposely getting back at me and distressing me and is not cooperative. He refuse to update me on my child's feeding/sleeping for the day and it makes it hard for me to follow up. I have to follow my maternal instinct to guess that he's not fed and he's not slept the whole day (when he normally sleeps for 2-3hrs in the morning and/or 2-3 hrs in the afternoon). He also deliberately tried to eliminate evidence of the child vomiting (by washing/drying his clothes) and emptying all his bottles/containers so that I won't be able to know whether the child drank or not.

My child came back livelier on the 2nd day but he was still not fed well and was deprived of sleep and proper feeding (he was eating like he has not eaten/drank for days when we fed him after he was returned!). My ex-husband also deliberately changed to another diaper instead of using the one I provided. Again, he refused to let me know about the child's feeding/sleeping for the day. In actual fact, we know from the PI's footage that the child was out the whole day following him & his family marketing, eating, and the beach (despite my strict instruction not to bring him to the beach as he has sensitive skin).

I'm trying to get a variation order, but everyone is telling me that my grounds for the variation is not strong. Considering he's taken the child for only 2 times. How long more should I subject my child to his manipulations before I can ask for a variation order to change the judgement to SUPERVISED ACCESS instead since my ex-husband is very civilised with me during supervised access. Granted unsupervised access for the whole day, he behaves in a very uncivilised manner. He will intimidate me by recording me (hoping that his actions will flare me up & he gets to use that to tell the court that I'm a violent person). I have previously applied for Personal Protection Order, but my lawyer compelled me to withdraw it to compromise with my ex-husband who made a condition that he will not prolong the divorce proceeding any longer if I withdraw the PPO. I have been told by another lawyer that that was the biggest mistake I made, allowing my lawyer to withdraw it. He withdrew it claiming I don't have a strong case (causing mental anguish), but in actual fact, I am covered under the Women's Charter here in Singapore and I have strong grounds to file for the PPO due to his intimidation by recording me when he comes to see the child. He does that only because I'm alone & helpless. When my family turns up, he'll run like a coward.

I feel that there's conflict of interest in my lawyer in representing me for the best interest of my child, since he is a man and a father, thus he is for joint custody and not depriving the child a father. But I'm the one who lived with the man for 5 yrs and know him better than anyone else. And with a father like this, my child is better off without a father. And this is something I find hard to convince everyone. I am gathering evidences against him but will only use them at the right time.

What do you think are my options? I really think the judge should not have granted unsupervised access considering the child's age and the fact that the father is a total stranger to him.

[annjd]

You could bring in some experts and have them testify at a motion to reconsider-- or arguing changed emergency circumstances.

[safetyfirst]

you sent the child with ONE diaper? After reading your entire post I get the feeling that you are actually USING the child against your husband. Separation anxiety is a normal stage of development and simply a bit more pronounced in divorce custody/exchange situations. It is not life threatening and the child WILL adapt. During the year long divorce proceeding did your husband have regular visits with the child? If not, why not? Unless you cooperate with these visits, your child will not ever get to know his father so that you can ease your own axiety. You've really not given any real evidence that the child would be better off with no father than the one he has. Unless you have medical reports/recommendations against the beach your claim of 'sensitive skin' is nothing more than your opinion and could be construed as 'controlling' on your part. For cryin' out loud, a PI filming him while he has the child! You sound paranoid and selfish to me.

Maybe there is more to this than what I've read, and if so, I'll stand corrected, but based on what I read, that is my opinion.

You claim you got everything you wanted from the court proceedings, but you are pissed off because the father actually gets to enjoy time with his child without having you around?
You sound like a horrid person.
You claim that only you know that he is uninterested in caring for the child. How arrogant. Only he knows that.
If he is truly uninterested, then he will stop picking the child up for visitations. If he goes a long period without contacting the child, you may have grounds for changing his visitation rights. Until then, BACK OFF.
Jeez....