Absent father threating to visit my son after 7 yrs

I need several answers. I don't have a lot of money but I think it's going to be theonly solution to getting all of this resolved. My son is 11 and hasn't seen his dad in 7 yrs. I am married to a wonderful man of 4 yrs which is considered my son's father. Recently I got a phone call from the bilogical father threating me to come get my son for his visitation since he is paying child support. I think this will traumatize my son since he don't know who he is. What can I do to prevent this from happening? He also stated that he has a family that needs his income and I need to have the child support stopped. Can I just call the attourney general's office and cancel the child support? Won't that still give him rights to see him if he signed the birth certificate? He is willing to give up his rights but states I have to be the one to do it because it's too much money for him and he pays me child support and I should use that to file for him to relinquish his rights.

In the long run I am about to have the talk that I have been avoiding for a long time with my son but I am not for sure what the father want's to do? I really think he just wants the money to stop and hewill leave me alone but either way my son has to be talked to about all of it but do I say your about to start seeing your real dad or your going to be adpoted by your dad which is my husband of 4 yrs?

I'm so confused can you please give me advice on what to do and what I can expect from him also if he goes through showing up on my door step to get Colton. How much trouble will I be in if I say no?

[safetyfirst]

Do you have a court order or parenting plan in place that calls out the visitation for your son's father and he has simply chosen not to take advantage of it until now? I think that if there is a parenting plan in place that gives him certain access that you will have to allow it. When he didn't take advantage of it early on, you probably should have filed to have it modified. Is this the first he's contacted you in 7 years also? Is there a chance that he would agree to some kind of mediation? If he really does want to give up his rights and your current husband is willing to adopt your son, I don't think it would be legally a difficult process. You should probably consult with a lawyer for details.

Thanks for the reply. I have something that the court gave me when we went to court over child support 7 years ago it's the basic child support visitation schedule. Yes, he contacted once before when he found out I got married he actually went to my mothers work when I was on my honey moon then when I got back he called trying to get me back when he realized there was nothing between us he stopped calling and haven't heard from him since then until now so that would be 3 1/2 years ago. I guess I need to start saving to get a lawyer so I can take him to court to either relinquish rights or mediation. If he agrees to mediation what do I do?

i know the attrny said your husband could adopt ur child.i just wanted to say my husband did what he thought was best & let his child be adopted.its a huge mess now.the child wants to visit and resents the mother for contacting her father and requesting the adoption.the legal father has seperated from the mother and next to never sees the children.so now the child has no fathers because all her parents did what they thought was the easiest solution.the only way the adoptive father can give up his rights is to sign over rights to mothers new husband.
if your ex is strapped for money, i doubt that he would pay for a court battle for visitation.the coutrs will also tell you support &visitation are seperate.
please consider what your child may want when they're older.easy's not always the best.

[tabletopphoto]

Your child will not be traumatized by reintroducing the father back into his life. Children aren't so emotionally frail that they can't handle that kind of information, and especially if you explain it to them correctly. If you sat down with a 5 year old and explained it to the child simply the child would understand.

I would be more concerned about loosing the trust of my child if I were you. If I was 11 and found out on my own that I had a father I didn't know about, I would be angry at my mother. Eventually he'll find out anyway when he looks at his birth certificate for the first time.

Your child does deserve to know who his biological father is. It is his choice to develop a relationship with his father and learn who his family is. Even if the father is abusive. You could look bad to your child when he wants to know and you prevent him from doing that. But for nothing else, your child deserves to know for medical history reasons. For all you know, cancer could be prevalent in the father's side of the family.

None of my answers are based on law, JMHO as a parent, but if you ask for money, then you owe him visitation. If you don't want him to have visitation and don't want him in your child's life, then stop the child support. You already made it clear you don't need him to raise your child, so why do you need his money? He worked for the money you collect, not you. Put yourself in the father's situation. How would you like to be in the situation of being forced to pay out hundreds of dollars a month for a child you don't have or have access to?

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I need several answers. I don't have a lot of money but I think it's going to be theonly solution to getting all of this resolved. My son is 11 and hasn't seen his dad in 7 yrs. I am married to a wonderful man of 4 yrs which is considered my son's father. Recently I got a phone call from the bilogical father threating me to come get my son for his visitation since he is paying child support. I think this will traumatize my son since he don't know who he is. What can I do to prevent this from happening? He also stated that he has a family that needs his income and I need to have the child support stopped. Can I just call the attourney general's office and cancel the child support? Won't that still give him rights to see him if he signed the birth certificate? He is willing to give up his rights but states I have to be the one to do it because it's too much money for him and he pays me child support and I should use that to file for him to relinquish his rights.

In the long run I am about to have the talk that I have been avoiding for a long time with my son but I am not for sure what the father want's to do? I really think he just wants the money to stop and hewill leave me alone but either way my son has to be talked to about all of it but do I say your about to start seeing your real dad or your going to be adpoted by your dad which is my husband of 4 yrs?

I'm so confused can you please give me advice on what to do and what I can expect from him also if he goes through showing up on my door step to get Colton. How much trouble will I be in if I say no?

In my opinion visitation and child support should reflect each other. If one parent is not allowed to see the child then the support order should reflect that.

[able1]

Haven't read the posts here but visitation and support payments are not related.

They are handled separately and one does not affect the other.