I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

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Old Jan 30th, 2011, 01:39 AM   #1
Miss Price
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Exclamation I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

My daughter's biological father threatened both my and her life repeatedly by way of text messages, phone calls, and actual "stops" at my home while my fiance was at work. He continued these threats for an entire year and would not stop until I gave up our child for adoption. I finally went through with the adoption in August 2010 with the promise from the social worker that handled my case of visitation once every six months. I just received an e-mail stating that I more than likely will not receive visitation until after she is 18 and can decide for herself if she would like to see me.
I was rushed through the adoption process, threatened into it by her biological father and lied to about the terms of the adoption.
Now I am beginning to look up lawyers and state laws on all of this.
What do I do?
I just want my little girl back! I never wanted to give her up in the first place. I was scared and pushed. I just want her back!
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Old Jan 30th, 2011, 11:54 PM   #2
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Default Re: I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

I wish to inform you that after child has been given in adoption then person who has adopted child will have rights over child. In this regard if child was given under force or threat and person adopting knew that adoption was just a temporary measure to save you and child then you may challenge validity of adoption on the ground that adoption was a sham adoption under force.

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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 03:51 PM   #3
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Default Re: I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

Miss Price
You didn't say how old your daughter is now or how long she has been with the adoptive family. But it sounds like your life is very chaotic and that at one time, you made an unselfish choice to allow another family to take care of your baby. At that time, you must have been very concerned about her safety and well being. Why is it all about YOU now? Why would you want to bring your baby back into an unsafe situation where her very own father threatens her life and yours? No matter what state your adoption was done in, the court there should have given you some kind of legal papers explaining the adoption arrangement and what your and the adoptive family's rights are. If you really were promised visits it would say so on your legal papers and your baby's family has to do whatever the papers say. It doesn't sound like you can change your mind about the adoption at this point but you don't give enough information. Were your parental rights terminated by a judge? If so, why? Did you agree to have your rights terminated and your baby adopted by another person or family?
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 04:07 PM   #4
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Default Re: I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

So let me get this straight -- you have a baby with someone who doesn't want a child or you, this person tries to force you to give the baby to someone who wants her, you decide to give her up because he wants you to. Then some family takes on raising your child as their own, probably falls in love with her and gives her the moon, but that is not enough for you?! Now, you want to rip a baby out of the arms of the only people who truly want her and love her?! How heartbreaking for someone who only tried to help you...and how sad that you are willing to hurt your very own daughter that badly by taking her away from the only parents she has ever known...its a sad world indeed.
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Old Feb 2nd, 2011, 08:10 PM   #5
Tamara R.
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Default Re: I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

Dear Miss Price
I gave up a child for adoption 2 years ago. I worked with an attorney and a social worker who helped me work out an "open" adoption with a couple that I got to choose myself. At first, I got to see him about once a month and although it was nice, it just made me sad afterwards. When he was about 6 months old i got into some trouble with the law bc of hanging out with some ppl i shouldn't have been. Then the family said that they wanted me to "get my life together" more before I visited. It made me really mad cuz i wasn't really doing anything bad - it was just my friends. But i guess they didn't understand that. Anyway, my sister hired an attorney for me and we asked him to help us get more visitation but he said that an "open" adoption is always dependent on what the legal parents or the judge says is "best for the child" and that either the judge or the parents get to make that decision - not me. It was very difficult and I started thinking that i would rather just have him back. but since we had already signed all these papers for him to get adopted, getting him back was not an option. i am not an attorney but just wanted to tell you what happened to me bc it may be that nobody lied to you, or it may be that alot of birth moms like me and you start to change their minds after a little while. i actually gave up after a cpl of months and really did feel better. now, i am still glad I did what was best for my son. After i stayed out of trouble for awhile, i did get to see him again, except i moved away now. good luck. i hope it all works out.
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Old Apr 10th, 2011, 04:50 AM   #6
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Default Re: I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

if you truly were rushed then there are laws concerning being coerced into giving a child up that will be on your side. In the long run, its all about money. In legal battles, who ever has the most money and the best lawyer wins. Dont listen to what those other people said. There is nothing wrong with wanting your child back. Especially if you were a good mother to your child. if you do get your child back, I would revoke the rights of the biological father, move far away from him and act in the best interest of my child. Which, to be honest is what you should have done in the first place. Moved away first, and then had his legal rights revoked. I also gave a child up for adoption under a coerced situation. I was also afraid for my life and thought it would be in the best interest of my child. I was a very good mother, and I loved my child very much. And no matter how many children you have after the fact, not one can replace the hole any of the others leave in your heart. Once you have known and loved, it is impossible to forget and stop loving. How dare those people be so harsh toward you for just doing what comes natural to a mother. I was told upon the adoption that I had a certain amount of time to change my mind. I was told six months. I waited less than a month and decided that I wanted my child back. I was refused. Even though I had been coerced by the adoptive parents and the childs father. Then I was later told that I only had six weeks, I hadn't even waited six weeks to change my mind. Once I mentioned this, I was finally told the truth, I had only six days and had been lied to by the attorney handling the adoption so the adoptive parents could keep the child with out concern of me changing my mind. I fought in court concerning this matter, but since the adoptive parents had more money than me and knew all the judges, I was refuted. I had my daughter for almost three years and they had only had her for a few weeks when I found a lawyer who would take the case. He ended up being a sleaze ball though, but was all I could afford, and even then offered very poor representation. He has since been disbarred. Unfortunately, some of the things we do out of fear and ignorance (and by ignorance I mean being uneducated about legal matters) can not be undone in the long run. I have been fortunate enough that the adoptive parents saw fit to allow me visitation when the mood strikes them. I live in the same town and my daughter who will be fifteen this year, knows me, calls me mom and I have been able to give her my love even if in small doses. I strongly suggest that you pray, and hope for at least that much. And if there is any questions concerning your personal life, I suggest you get that in order before pursuing anything else. Because I honestly believe if not for prayer, my daughter would not even know my name. And before I go, I would just like to state that, people for some reason when they hear some one gave a child up for adoption act like that person did the most horrible thing in the world... well, you know what? It takes MORE GUTS and MORE STRENGTH to give a child up and walk away thinking that what you are doing is in that childs best interest than it does to KEEP a child in a potentially BAD situation and allow abuse or poor living conditions to continue... GIVING a child for adoption is the MOST SELFLESS ACT a person can do... and the most painful, so people need to realize this and LIGHTEN UP on the moms who DID walk away. And just an fyi... I have had two more children since then, and their living conditions are just fine, they are not abused in any way, and I have been told by my therapist and my sons (I chose to take my son to a therapist when his dad walked out on him) that I ROCK at the mom thing....(not in those exact words) and you know what? I DO. So don't give up hope, pray, and try and get what God gives you. And when He chooses to restore you by giving you another baby... do the right thing... be an awesome mother.--- The REAL mom.
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Old Nov 14th, 2012, 08:03 AM   #7
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It takes MORE GUTS and MORE STRENGTH to give a child up and walk away thinking that what you are doing is in that childs best interest than it does to KEEP a child in a potentially BAD situation and allow abuse or poor living conditions to continue... GIVING a child for adoption is the MOST SELFLESS ACT a person can do... and the most painful, so people need to realize this and LIGHTEN UP on the moms who DID walk away. And just an fyi... I have had two more children since then, and their living conditions are just fine, they are not abused in any way, and I have been told by my therapist and my sons (I chose to take my son to a therapist when his dad walked out on him) that I ROCK at the mom thing....(not in those exact words) and you know what? I DO. So don't give up hope, pray, and try and get what God gives you. And when He chooses to restore you by giving you another baby... do the right thing... be an awesome mother.--- The REAL mom.
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Old Apr 16th, 2013, 02:38 PM   #8
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I was put up for adoption when I was very small, and I loved my adoption parents I was quite lucky to know my biological mom aswell. I gave 2 children up for adoption my twin boy and girl I regretted it but I feel best for them. I also wanted an open adoption and to begin with it went well, I saw the twins every one but then I received a letter to say my visitation rights had been stopped and I wouldn't get to see them until they were 18.
I wanted to appeal but seemed unfair to the twins deep down I guess I'm just not their mother yes I gave birth to them but their mommy is the one who tucks them in bed, feeds them and all that. No matter how many children have I never forget my twins. The upside was they kept the names I gave them so Tyler-James and Avery-Rose will always have that from me. And not matter how people may see adoption I did it because I was young, homeless and couldn't afford one baby let alone 2 so I found a family they deserved and 2 years later I know my Tyler and Avery are happy and loved <3 and as a mom makes me feel like a good parent
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Old Apr 16th, 2013, 02:43 PM   #9
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Default Re: I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

Skylar,
Being a good parent can take many forms. Realization you are not able to take care of the kids properly, is one of them. Not everyone has the magic family member or co-parent to handle the job. Adoption is the next logical move. The list of couples in the US that are capable of meeting that need and loving the children, who are on a list, dreaming of the chance, is very large. Kudo's
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Old Sep 18th, 2013, 08:38 AM   #10
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Default Re: I want my daughter back: I was rushed through the adoption process

I gave my daughter up for adoption to my father 4 years ago, I still get to see her and she knows I am her mother. Its a long story but almost the same, only my stepfather threatened me, he is dead now. Ironic really as he use to threaten to blow my brains out and instead he shot himself in the head by accident.
I now live in the UK, I went to South Africa over Christmas to see my Father, brother and daughter and took her on a week holiday to Cape Town where she then told me that my father has beaten her. He hit her hand so bad that it was swollen for a week. Also on top of that, my fathers wife's father molested me as a child, my father knows this, but when i went to visit this man was living in my father's house with them and my daughter.
I walked into my daughter room one night as saw this man standing over her staring at her. I have now taken steps to cancel the adoption and to get my daughter back. I do not wish to disrupt her life but I have a good life now and am married to a British Army Officer. We can protect my daughter better than my father is doing at the moment. She may hate me as my father is the only parent she has ever really known as well as he's wife, but they are putting their needs first and not my daughters, she deserve a fair chance at a good life with safety and love.

I say if you have no good reason to take a child from the only people who have ever cared for her and the only people she knows as her parents then why would you want to disrupt her life. I understand you love her but therefore you need to do what is right for her and not for you. Her happiness and safety needs to come first, think about that.
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